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NEWS from the
Page 22
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NORTH!
By our Northern Correspondent Eric Strongitharrn Oswaldtwistle,
The Spagthorpe Motor Company has staged a protest outside the Houses of Parliament over the proposed anthracite tax. A convoy of S MC Dreadnought steamers thundered south at a frightening 12mph, leaving the South of England covered in a fine layer of soot.
The drivers believe that the tax on coke, introduced by Chancellor Fatious Cateous, is a stealth tax—they say it will give an unfair advantage to new-fangled internal combustion engines.
Arthur "Uncle Joe" Ballpeen, convener of the Amalgamated Union of Fettlers, Nibbers and Idlers, told the press: "We've 'ad a bellyful of pansy southern pen-pushers taxing us off the road. Emissions? There's nowt wrong
wi'a nose full of good northern coke!"
As the picketing drivers stood firm the coke fumes surrounding Parlia. ment finally drove Cateous from his chambers to address the crowd. Coughing and spluttering in the smog, he said: "Men, you ask me to improve the NHS and to come down hard on crime, but to do that I need money... and lots of it. This tax will go some way to funding my holiday—err, I mean these developments. We must all make sacrifices for the good of all."
The great man was hurried back into the relative safety of the House as an angry mob pelted him with nutty slack before dispersing for the five-day highspeed run back to Oswaldtwistle.