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By our Northern Correspondent Eric Strongitharm Oswaldtwistle.
Page 22
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The politicians of Oswaldtwistle have been left slack-jawed with surprise this week as trouble and strife have run through the corridors of power at Oswaldtwistle and Heckmonthwaite District Borough Council like a pair of hyperactive school children overdosing on Sherbert dibdabs and fizzy cola cubes.
Just as the council was reporting on it's soweek Transport Plan the town was shocked by a simultaneous announcement that at the same time Chief Transport 'Czar', Alderman Norman Flyover, has resigned. Flyover had recently been financially linked with local entrepreneur and misanthrope Sir Jos Spagthorpe, Chairman and President for Life of the Spagthorpe Motor Company. Flyover stood accused of accepting undisclosed sums of money, from Sir Jos in exchange for lucrative council contracts. The ioweek plan had been dismissed by an influential group of political warhorses, who described it as "fatally holed below the waterline, without a leg to stand on, thanks to its slow take-off". A quick glance at the local works department reveals the source for the rumours dogging Flyover—the works compound is chock full of brand spanking new SMC machinery, not least 50 odd SMC mosquito tippers, pictured here repairing the main trunk road to the "soft" south as part of the much derided transport plan. An unusually silent Sir Jos denied the rumours, claiming the council's purchasing decisions were not affected by any "gifts that one businessman might give to another", like a "particularly fancy pen or a brown envelope rammed to t'gills wi' used ten-bob notes".
FLASH: Norman Flyover has been handed a lucrative new consultancy and sales role with SMC, specialising in liaison with local authorities on their transport needs. Local stationers have reported a recent run on large brown envelopes destined for the legendary Ironworks.