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ty our Northern Correspondent
Page 24
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Eric Strongitharrn Oswaldhvistle.
All hands to the front and rule Britannia! That's the message that's coming loud and clear from the defenders of the Empire at the Spagthorpe Motor Company, Oswaldtwistle's most patriotic engineering firm. Following our brave boys going into battle in far away Kryzikbekafghanistan to further the interests of our glorious realm and serve King and Country, the SMC has decided to donate to the war effort. No, it's not the wrought iron gates from outside the legendary Ironworks, nor Sir Jos Spagthorpe's prize collection of mantraps, normally found littering his office floor at wage negotiations time. Instead, despite lengthy calls from the Var Office asking for scrap metal for munitions, ae ever generous SMC chairman and president Dr life has decided to donate his latest invention. lore usually found hunting stag on the moors verloolcing the charming Pennine town or /heeled into the office for delicate union talks, ie SMC self-propelled cannon, or the Vegotiatof as Sir Jos has dubbed it, will come in andy for our valiant troops as they carry out ouse-to-house searches in the cluttered back treets of that far off land.
A sabre-rattling Sir Jos believes that the 1egotiator will swing the conflict in our favour: To be honest, t'streets over there don't look 3uch different from rhouses we give to us workrs, and at least they get t'sunshine. Anyroad, re've used t'cannon befbre a number of times. I lways like to fire off a couple of 12 olb shells at old waggons before t'union bods come in for a hat. Mind you we get the odd 'tin going astray ke. Cost me an arm and a leg to repair that rphanage..."
LASH: The S MC Negotiator self-propelled canon has been returned to Oswaldtwistle followig complaints from the military that it was totally unsuited to the purpose". An army pokesman says: "Which damn fool sent this iece of rubbish? What use is a 5o ft long cannon ,ith a range of 20 miles in hand-to-hand cornat? Bloody civilians."