Our Despatches from the Front (No. 65).
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An Amusing but Good-natured Attempt to " Guy " Inspection and Indent Procedure on Active Service as It Appears to One of Our Special Contributors.
Strictly Confidential.
Suggestions for Officers and Others as to Mode of Procedure to be Adopted on the Occasions of Inspections, etc.
Attention of all ranks is drawn to the absolute necessity for giving truthful answers, and true information to ail inspectors of vehicles, etc., under their control. At the same time it should be borne in mind that occasionally it is necessary to give " diplomatic." information in the interests of one's particular unit, etc. The following examples of conversation and matters pertaining to inspection are merely offered as a general guide, and not as established rules ; they may be adapted, of course, to all emergencies, but must be used only as a last resort or subterfuge.
1.--Always express (1) surprise, (2) delight when tile general inspecting your unit arrives. 2.—Before proceeding to the affairs that matter inquire (a) as to his health, (b) whether he has dined, (c) „ „ wined.
3.--Explain that " everything is in a. hopeless state really, but I'm sure you realize how very hard I have been working lately."
4.—Compliment him on his -ear. This is .very important.
5.—Should he suggest that. your vehicles look remarkably clean, murmur that they would be cleaner if they were cleaned.
6.---Blow all horns, this invariably amuses him, 7.—Should he inquire why it is necessary to have one engine to each lorry, tell him that perhaps it is extravagant, but you have received no authority for returning them to the base. (N.B.—Diplomacy). 8.-Be very careful to agree with him in everything. 9.—On no account lead him to believe that you know more a.bout your duties than he does.
-10.—Even if you know you do.
11.—And, of course, you do.
12.—If you don't, you ought,to.
13.—If he „should inquire why a car sometimes travels slowly and sometimes quickly, say that you will inquire. Because he may be very upset to know you know and he does not. In fact, he might even write home about it.
11.—Working drawing of a conversation.
Q. : U'm ! this is a Daimler ?
A. : Yes.
Q.: I imagined so.
A.: Yes.
Q. : Why is this a. Daimler and the next one a Wolseley ?
A. : Well—er—you see, sir, this one is and the next one isn't.
Q. isn't what?
A. : A Daimler.
Q. : Oh ! of course, yes ! • A. : Yes, sir. (N.B.—Politeness is cheap). Q.: What arethese for ?
A. : Those, sir ? Those are the wheels.
Q. : Really. Are they all round ones ?
A. : In most cases, sir—yes.
Q. : I suppose they go round all right? A. : Yes, sir, of course we have a little trouble.
Q.: You do ?
A.: Yes,_ sir.
Indents for Spare Parts, M.T. A.F. O.L.
Too much care cannot be exercised in the preparation of Indents. Complaints having from time to time been received as to the non-delivery of spare parts, and inquiries having shown that in the majority eases the fault was on the part of the sender of the telegrams or demand, the following instructions must always be adhered to, in order to obviate the recurrence of such mistakes :— (1) The sender's number and date must be clearly shown.
(2) Full particulars of the parts required must be stated in detail.
(3) Maker's name, type of vehicle, etc., must be
given in full ; any other particulars which may be
useful may be added at one's discretion. Ex ample:— Type. --X No. 0032.84.
Chassis number. -54368 M 204.
Engine number.-01:1iD 21310. .
Part number.—S/301/ X 25/17-83-4. Reference number.—BY82 x 2X H2 804.
Maker's catalogue.—No Co 2-348.
Drawing number. • -8349123X A 579.
Government number.-834.001.
Total carrying capacity.-8311. Total seating accommodation. --V ile.
R.p.m.-200 to 950.
Horse-power.—Minus' 1.
Speed in miles per hour.--2.5.
Petrol consumption.—Notorious.
Number of cylinders.---1.
Number of cylinders in use.-1. :Inoculated.-Yes.
Religion.—C. of E.
Respirator.—Yes. Full equipment.--Certainly. Condition of horn.—Comatose. The following example of a requisition may he use ful as a guide for Officers Workshops. Notes oa same should be carefully studied for future guidance,. Additional copies follow.
EXAMPLE.
To No. 4 M.T. Depot.
Sender's number.---10.L. Date, Feb. 31, 1015. Priority.
Send to Divisional Railhead following parts for 10 ton Diehard type (see foregoing example) renewal part number S.T.Z. 83240-1 (one) reed for born in key of E minor.
From Divisional Supply Column.
NOTES AND OBSERVATIONS ON ABOVE INDENT.
(a) The date is obviously wrong ; refer to A.F. 5483 page VIII para. 3-2 :— There are never more than 29 days in February. Proper dates must always be given; when dates are unavailable an issue of jam to be substituted.
(b) The horn number should be quoted ; this is equally important as above, viz., (a). It would perhaps be better in this case to order on the special form with an accompanying diagram, showing the full working parts of the instrument referred to. The horn might (for argument's sake) be either (a) single twist, (h) double twist, (c) long arm balance, (d) hartshorn (with oil), or (e) a cream horn. The order is ve.y vague. Subalterns must not be vague. (This pri) le e is limited to senior officers.)
c) Sender does not state authority for demand of part. This must always be given : also always clea-ly State whether e-(1) Part required is needed as an addition to, or a multiplication of the original stock of reeds, or (2) if it is a replacement. In the latterviz., (2)—ease full explanations as to why it is necessary to replace the part must always be given.
Copy of Correspondence Relating to the Indenting of Spare Parts, A.F 3068/15.
This is to be regarded as a working example.
LETTER No. 1.
From 0.0. 8th Div. Sup. Col., 83. To 0.0. Depot. Jan. 2.
Please send at once I (onel lamp wick for side lamp number 0338. Diehard 3-ton lorry ; chassis number 28234, engine number 08214; wheel track 15 ft. ; load not to exceed 20 cwt. ; Government number 0283; therrno-syphon ; direct drive on top,; urgently needed.
TELEGRAM No. 2.
Jan. S.
From 0.0. Depot to 0.0. 8th Div. Sup. Col.
No. 834. Priority message.
Your demands No. 83 noted.
TELEGRAM No. 3.
Jan. 2L From 0.0. 8th Div. Sup. Col., to 0.0. Depot. Reverting my demand No. 83 please hasten.
LETTER O. 4. Feb. 8.
From 0.0. Depot to 0.0. 8th Div. Sup. Col.
In reply to yours of Jan. 2nd, please give fuller par ticulars as under :— (1) Page of catalogue on which the part required is shown. --- TELEGRAM No. 5.
Priority. Feb. 10. FrOM 0.0. 8th Div. Sup. Col., to 0.0. Depot. Referring to yours of 9th instant, regret to say part is not shown. Please hasten.
LETTER No. G.
Feb. 18.
From 0.0. Depot, to 0.0. 8t.h Div. Sup. Col.
Your wire of 10th to hand. Please give necessary dimensions and furnish a drawing to scale of part required.
TELEGRAM No. 7. • Feb. 20.
From 0.0. 8th Div. Sup Col., to 0.C. Depot.
In answer-to yours of 18,th : Wheel centres are 120 w.c. 761.
Drawing follows at first opportunity.
TELEGRAM No. 8.
March 1.
From 0.0. Depot to 0.0. 8th Div. Sup. Col. Your information of the 20th noted.
LETTER No, 9.
March 4. From 0.0. 8th Div. Sup. Col. to 0.0. Depot.
Referring to my demand of the 3rd January last, and future correspondence, please say when I am to expect delivery of lamp wick. If this is not forthcoming soon, shall be obliged to purchase locally, which step, of course, would be regrettable owing to the exorbitant price charged for the article in our locality.
LETTER No. 10.
March 10.
From 0.0. Depot to 0.0. 8th Div. Sup. Col.
Your note of March 4th to hand and contents noted. Please -say definitely what you refer to.
LETTER No. 11.
March 15.
From 0.0. 8th Div. Sup. Col. to 0.0. Depot. Reference your last note, please refer my demand of Jan. 3rd. Also please hasten.
LETTER No. 12.
March 18.
From 0.0. Depot to 0.0. 8th Div. Sup. Col. Referring your demand of Jan. 3rd, chloride of lime is a vocabulary store. Please indent thro' A.O.D.
LETTER No. 13.
Priority. March 24. From 0.0. 8th Div. Sup. Col. to 0.0. Depot.
Reference my demand of Jan. 2nd. Do not require chloride of lime for side lamp. My demand was for one lamp wick. Would you mind hastening, please?
LETTER No. 14.
April I.
From 0.0. Depot to 0.0. Bth Div. Sup. Col. Regret error in last reference. Cannot supply lamp wick without lamp. Do. you require this urgently We are very short of these, temporarily, and the next supply is doe from England in September.
LETTER No 15. April 4.
From 0.0. 8th Div. Sup. Co]. to 0.C. Depot. Must have -one wick atonce. Expect an inspection by 0.0. A.S.C. at any moment. If you cannot supply otherwise, please send complete lamp. Delay now exceeds the usual.
LETTER No. 16.
April 12.
From 0.0. Depot to 0.0. 8th Div. Sup. Col. Demands noted. Please forward indent on proper form A834.
LETTER No. 17.
April 18.
LETTER NO. 18.
May 1.
From 0.0. Depot to 0.0. 8th Div. Sup. Col. •
Please say what authority you have for indenting for one lamp wick. Refer-to "Memorandum on Lamp Wicks." D.T. 408-15.
0. iie of units will pay special attention to the economical use of lamp wicks. -It is regretted that there has recently been a great wastage of these.
This must cease forthwith. 0 of units must always see that (1) When wicks are issued they must be signed for by section officers.
(2) A complete record must be kept of all lamp wick -movements.
(3) Special forms for this purpose may be obtained from 0. iic 5.0. Base.
(4) When lamps are worn out wicks must bo transferred to new lamps.
(5) An inspection of wicks to be held at least once a week.
(6) Wicks must always be folded in the manner prescribed in Form No. D.T. 302. This is most important.
LETTER NO. 10.
May 6. From 0.0. Div. Sup. Col. to 0.C. Base Depot.
Reference your last, have no authority. If you cannot supply without this, please cancel my demand note No. 83 of January last ; can you send me a satisfactory substitute ?
LETTER No. 20. May 18. From 0.0. Base Depot to 0.C. Div. Sup. Col. Yours of. 6th to hand ; am forwarding you 1 (one) C.A.V. lighting set complete, in lieu of 1 (one) lamp wick. Please send a corrected indent immediately, together with old lamp wiek which this set is replacing.
LETTER No. 21.
June 1. From 0.C. Div. Sup. Col. to 0.0. Base Depot. C.A.V. set to hand. Indent herewith for same. Wick despatched this day from my railhead under armed escort. Your receipt for same anxiously awaited. Regret to •say am proceeding England this day on sick leave. Will resume correspondence with you on my return. '