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By our Northern Correspondent, Eric Strongitharm, Oswaldtwistle.
Page 22
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Staff in the the ladieswear section of Osw-aldtwistle's finest department store, Thrifty's, were aghast this week after the wife of Sir Jos Spagthorpe, Chairman and President for Life of the Spagthorpe Motor Company, blew three and six on a ballgown by top middleeastern fashion designer Duzmibum Lukbiginnthes.
Cooing over the gown, ladies sales supervisor Beryl Slyme said: 'What a fabulous gown and s000 flatterin' on you Mrs Spagthorpe. It shows off your (cough) fine figure a treat,
"May one ask what event occasions such a vision?"
Nose in the air, Mrs Spagthorpe replied: "I shall be accompanyin' me husband to the Association of British Automotive Manufacturers' annual dinner. We go every year—it's a very posh do, you know, It's at a London hotel next to that funny bridge—you know, the one with them towers on it."
As Mrs Spagthorpe pulled the curtain back across the fitting room cubicle, Ms Slyme looked at her assistant and whispered: "Snobby cow. And did you see the size of 'er backside in that creation! Quick Gladys, ring it up on't till before 'er husband finds out 'ow much she's spendin'."
Spotting Mrs Cumberland, the wife of Oswaldtwistle's finest butcher, Mrs Spagthorpe raised her voice upon leaving the ladieswear counter: "Thank you very much ladies. No doubt you'll be seeing me again very soon, what with all of these Christmas dos to which me and me husband have been invited."
FLASH: Sir Jos Spagthorpe is nursing "the worst 'angover in 'istory" this morning after downing a whole bottle of after-dinner port at the Association of British Automotive Manufacturers' annual dinner. He ploughed into the port after the Stepney Carriage Company, run by chirpy cockney Charlie Sparrow, walked away with the award for Best British Motor Firm. Being forcibly removed from the hotel. Sir Jos was heard to slur (repeatedly): "What do them bloody judges mean "no other motor company came close".., you send 'ern a truck load of Yorkshire bitter and what do you get?... naff all... ungrateful sods."