• Remember our Roger Phillips and George Simpson caption competition
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which appeared the other day ? No ? Well, here is a small reminder to jog the memory and encourage a few more Leyland Oaf jokers into action.
My loyal public has already come up with one or two suggestions. A certain Phil Ives of Truro in Cornwall suggests: "If you don't build them, I can't sell them." He should know — he used to run Daf GB.
Another west country offering is: "anything you can do, I can do better." A Midlands reader who wishes to remain anonymous proffers: "Don't point at me, I've always looked like this." A couple of other gems from the postbag are "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?" and, "OK, that's it, I'll see you outside."
Keep them rolling in. I know that there is a winner out there somewhere.
• Good taste is bursting out all around. . . I think. Eversheds of St Albans, which kindly informs me that it designs and manufactures prestige stationery, business forms and attractive advertising calendars, reckons that "transport operators prefer scenic views to busty girls".
Naah, you've got to be joking, mate. Commercial Motor receives hundreds of calendars at this time of year, and four out of five naturally fall into the lap of the Hawk for inclusion, in my now legendary tacky calendar competition.
Either way, Eversheds has sent us a photo of its latest calendar selection. Funny, but quite a few seem to feature scantily-clad young ladies. I am shocked. Truly shocked. • It is not often that we Hawks get to say this, but this week I am truly indebted to a Starling. A L Starling of 3, Mill View, Coldharbour, Uffctilme in Devon to be precise.
He has written in to draw my attention to an advert in the job columns of one of our "quality" daily newspapers. Apparently, "enthusiastic transport professionals are required for a fast-growing logistics and physical distribution management division in Bracknell in Berkshire."
You will need, if you wantthis incredible job, some remarkable qualities. The ad says "likely age upper 30s with at least 50 years' experience."
Good, huh? Only time lords need apply, with "excellent communication skills," You bet. • A Midlands bus inspector was recently faced with an unpleasant and unwanted passenger — a ferocious dog (it all happened on route K9, no doubt).
He used his head, though, and realised the dog's bark was worse than its bite (aargh) and quickly popped off down to a butcher in West Bromwich to return with a huge tempting knuckle bone.
The West Midlands Travel inspector Geoff Green (who, incidently, is not from Barking) then bravely re-entered the bus brandishing his decoy and coaxed the snarling and snapping mongrel to disembark (geddit?).
Paws for thought: seems an unlikely tail, what? That's enough carmine jokes — Ed.