Demanding
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HUJ Heard in Stockholm last week: Swedish haulier to Finnish haulier: "Have a beer?"
Finn: "Yeah — a Finnish beer." Swede: "You don't like Swedish beer?"
Finn: "Yeah, but in Finland I drink Swedish beer. In Sweden I drink Finnish beer. If we don't keep up the transport demand, who will?"
Moving Bill and 011ie
I once knew a girl whose parents had unkindly had her christened Pearl — the family name was Button. A rose, they say, by any name etc etc. Which brings us to the Bard, and Masons of Liverpool. John Mason, removers of Liverpool, tell me they have recently moved a Mr William Shakespeare to the Isle of Man and a Mr Oliver Cromwell from the Isle of Man.
Coincidence? Or can we expect a sudden burst of poetic licence on the island and a new wave of Puritanism on the mainland?
John Mason say that, although they are an old-established firm they can't claim to have removed the original Bard of Avon or our first Lord Protector. But since they are quite used to moving distinguished people, including poets and politicians, they are sure they could have satisfied the original holders of those famous names. Love's labour, perhaps?
Big spenders?
I see that Hungarocamion, the State transport outfit based in Budapest, is sending out complimentary copies of the American Overseas 'Shopping and Services Guide, presumably as a marketing ploy.
This is a fascinating little book ("little" in that it is only 10.5 cm x 14.7 cm (44 x 53/4in), but it is 2cm (3/4in) thick, and runs to 716 pages!) which I've not seen before.
Intended for world-travelling US tourists originally, it is perhaps a bit up-market for UK transport men, even with the wages paid to some international trunk drivers; but it is fascinating to dip into it and come up with a list of tea rooms in Amsterdam, the date of a Moscow exhibition expressively named Interboommash, and of course, the location and scope of Budapest's Trade Fair — now on.
Putting the boot in
Residents of Huddersfield participating in a £50,000 traffic survey have been puzzled what the reason can be for two of the questions: what is your annual income, and where did you buy your last pair of shoes? I don't wonder.
The survey is being made on behalf of the West Yorkshire PTE, the National Bus Company, British Rail and the West Yorkshire Metropolitan County Council and research unit that set the questions explained: "Some people think we are prying into their personal affairs. Unfortunately, they were not told that the question about their shoes is intended, for an entirely different survey on shopping."
The research unit said that shoes were a good indication of where people went for semi-durable shopping. The two surveys were being run together to save money.
The question on incomes? "We are not just asking out of nosiness," sai the unit, "and the information is nc intended for, any other governmer departments. Generally, the mor people earn the more they travel an the information will help establis the pattern of future travel."
And the less they earn the mor shoe-leather they use?
Savings
Since the energy crisis there hay been plenty of stories of people tryin, to save fuel. And this is not limited ti the lower sections of society, either, am pleased to say. Freddie Wood, th NBC's dynamic chairman, is knowi to be a great fan of large America] cars. But since the fuel crisis he ha put his Cadillac in mothballs, I ea: now reveal.
But Mr Wood, who is now 'chair man of three companies with a corn bined annual turnover well in exces of £300m, now has the use of a privat executive aircraft. Even thoug: Cadillacs are not noted for thei economy, I would think that th Cessna consumes rather more petro:
Sign of the times
Would-be Europeans should bt warned of trying to translate Englisl into a foreign language withou making sure that their meaning clear. Strolling over Westminstel Bridge the other day I noticed E legend painted on the back of z vehicle belonging to a well-knowr truck hire firm which said "Location, de Camions".
Now in colloquial French "Llt location" is equivalent to the Englist slang term for holiday accommoda tion "digs" — so a free translatior could be "holiday accommodatior for lorries". I knew that trade fore casts are bad and likely to becom■ worse but this is ridiculous.
Motorwayfaring
One of the best things for drivers ii the new edition of the AA Member' Handbook is a 16-page guide to thi motorway network. It has tit, sections of motorway in digestibli strips and, at the sides on each page, i has the numbered junctions and th, names and distances of the maii adjacent towns. It really does enabli one to plan motorway turn-offs it advance after a glance at the righ page.
I must say that the motorinj organizations have to some exten atoned for their anti-lorry state ments, at least in my eyes, by ail excellence of recent editions of thei maps and guides.
by the Hawl