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NEWS from the NORTH!

30th August 2001, Page 18
30th August 2001
Page 18
Page 18, 30th August 2001 — NEWS from the NORTH!
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Which of the following most accurately describes the problem?

By our Northern Correspondent, Eric Strongitharm, Oswaidtwisde.

ever mindful of ways to save hauliers a penny or two, Spagthorpe Motor Company's top-secret "Stoat Works" has been looking at ways of cutting fuel consumption through aerodynamics—or "streamalingering", as sceptical engineering overseer Isaac "Slide Rule" Frazackerley would have it.

The project began with an abortive attempt to drill air-flow holes through a Spagthorpe Dreadnought, resulting in half of Oswaldtwistle being engulfed in steam from the perforated boiler. Never a man to be discouraged by third-degree burns, works engineer Henry Sucksqueeze moved on to a windcheating cowling for the chassis, wheels and underparts of the bio-powered Spagthorpe Cockerel: unfortunately the all-enveloping guttapercha bodywork left no room for steering the front wheels, and test driver Darren Acne ploughed into the recently rebuilt Iron Works ferret sheds. It wouldn't have mattered in any case, since the stench of the organic fuel had proved, er, overpowering.

* Briefly winners of the Widdop to Blacko Lurch, until they foolishly mounted the podium together and the referee realised that there were two Spongebys.