\(1 AWE A EWArDE I T is chronicled that the Emperor Ping,
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of the great Fong dynasty, strolled one day through his capital. With him was Fu Lem On, an old and sage counsellor. Coming upon a party of men in chains, the Emperor turned to his comp-anion and said, "Fu Lem On, you have permission to inform me why these men are in chains."
"This worthless person," muttered the counsellor, "would inform the Pearl of all Emperors that these men are hauliers. They are to be beheaded at sundown. They are the first to receive this treatment." "Indeed, why? Have they not prayed fervently to the gods? "
Havoc among, Hallway Magnates.
"Your Highest Majesty, they have prayed too fervently and to the wrong gods. Their crimes are frightful; for years they have wrought terrible havoc among our railway magnates. Only this Morning, Excellency, I was called to examine a whole station that was TuLet ; that is a fearful sight for a railway magnate, your Majesty."
Passing close to the chained men, the two regarded them closely. One, a bolder fellow than the rest, said, "0 Fountain of all Virtue, what of 1914? "
" Aye, and 1926," muttered his neighbour.
" It is a great pity, for they seem honest men, Fu," murmured the Emperor, resuming his stroll.
"Yes, Excellency, that is the trouble. They are honest in a way, but it is not our way."
" But, tell me, Fu, have the Imperial Departments tried no other Means than to chop off the heads of these fellows?
"0 Shedder of all Happiness, this shiftless animal -would explain that every possible means has been t318 tried. This beheading is our last resort. We foresaw the menace years ago, when we devised an Act to control the axle weights of their chariots."
" Indeed ; and what happened?"
" 0 Sire, they turned to their powerful friends, the designers, and paid them to outwit us. The designers, with weird gestures upon elongating rules and with curious
marks upon sheets of paper, went into prayer and supplicated their patron saint, Ali-Min-Yurn. This saint removed many pounds from the weight of their chariots. The hauliers lifted up their hearts as one. Again the designers prayed, and then front axles were moved wholesale, permitting the chariots to carry bigger loads without offending against our laws. The hauliers laughed aloud and muttered the incantation,
Donemintheeye '."
"But have you not tried tadlion, Fu? That is supposed to be a good cure for recalcitrants."
Crippling Taxation Fails.
" 0 Light of the Morning, this creeping insult would inform ynur Imperial Majesty that we have crippled them with taxation. Years ago we clapped an ate-penny-tax on their petrol. For a time we were safe. But again the designers fasted and supplicated. They called upon the draughtsmen, who played upon teesquares, the chemists, who played upon their tesschubes, and the production engineers, who played on prattanwitnies. Swiftly to their aid came another deity, St. Dee Zel.. This saint made their engines run on very cheap oil. Oh, it was a fearful blow to your unworthy minions, Your Excellency. But we recovered with morning dew and clapped on another ate-penny tax."
"But have you not tried to Control the industry and organize it to the benefit of the Community, Fu? "
" We strove mightily, Sire. We have restri. . er, controlled operators for years. We gave them licences A, B and C, and others in staggering variety, slips, chits and papers by the score. We framed innumerable little rituals and saintly gestures."
"And with no avail? "
"No, Excellency) they merely
muttered incantations Officelikeapaperchase and DunnowheretheLweare They are most ungrateful. That is their greatest offence. Today, Chief of Chiefs, there is not a chariot wheel turning without our knowledge and interf . . . er, supervision., The only chariots not taxed and licensed are the toy ones His Learned Excellency sees in shops.
"The hauliers make a great uproar, but they toe the line. That is the reason for our new beheading treatment. As for using them for the benefit of the community, His Excellency well knows in his wisdom that we never foster"new industries. We strangle them from birth and, having crippled them, subsidize them to keep them alive."
" But are the hauliers of no use at all, Fu? What is the significance of the numerals chanted by the fettered bloakk? "
Battle for Freedom.
" Their best use, Your Insufferable Nuisancy, is to carry loads that the railways do not seek, to carry loads from the railway termini and to function in times of Nationalemergency. The brutes often recite those numbers at us. His High Excellency will remember that 1914 is the number we give to our last Imperial War. Then we sent the haulier multitudes to battle for their freedom. They swarmed over the war-lands with their chariots by the hundred thousand. They went to the mouths of the guns with food and provisions, and laughed and jested as they drove in the regions called Hotazell. But that showed only their depravity.
"Again, 1926 is the label we give to the Gratestrik.e, called by some Ellava Nuisance. Here the hauliers, inspired by their gods, carried the sugar for his Excellency's Imperial tea, and fed the land in the dark days. But that shows only their viciousness."
" But did not they carry sugar also for railway magnates' tea? " Yes, riighness, they stop at nothing. There is nothing to which they will not sink." " Does your thirst trouble you, Fu? " asked the Emperor, noting his companion's sidelong glance at the house called Rozankrown.
" This unworthy reptile would derive untold benefits from a kwikkun, Your Majesty. If it please you, Sparc me a moment while Willy ties his hoot-lace."
" Tell me, Po," said the Emperor, as they resumed their perambulation, "how do my loving subjects regard our generous gestures? "
" They side with the hauliers, Jewel of all Emperors. The hauliers take heavy and sumptuous chariots to the people's doorsteps and do not leave them stran . . . er, On stations."
" But it seems to me, Fu, that the hauliers deserve consideration as much as the railway magnates. They are more modern."
" But the railway magnates were established first, your velvet-tongued Honour, and must be protected."
" And was not the noble horse our servant before the railways, Fu?
" Quite, Honourable One, but this cringing alligator would impress upon the Great-Know-All the fact that there is no railway capital in horses," scowled Fu.
" I suppose you speak with wisdom, Fu, but it seems a pity that the hauliers should die."
" Their heads must roll, Excellency. They supplicated the wrong gods and they must atone for it." " But what of that Commander • whose mistake almost lost us the • Imperial War ; did his head roll? "
" No, King of all Wisecrackers, we gave him a peerage and made him War Minister."
" A funny affair, Fu. But, tell me, how have you legislated against the hauliers if my people be in sympathy with them?"
• "Ah, there we gained the help of the politicians, Sire. We also appointed Commissions."
"And you found people most expert at the calling of haulage when appointing your Commissions, Fu?"
" The Bestower of all Happiness is correct, but for a detail. This worthless rascal squandered weeks in finding the experts. We then experienced no difficulty in keeping them out. They, of course, would be biased. We selected our Commissioners from lawyers, railway magnates, bankers, and economists. We also included brickies and joiners. Thus they brought clear minds to the problems."
" And did the railways modernize themselves when they found the hauliers menacing them, Fu? "
" Yes, Excellency, they helped as to frame and put over the Acts to, to . . . control the hauliers. They closed some of their bridges in case the hauliers fell over the parapets and hurt themselves. They also edged a little by putting 'money into mode tranzport to make a safe bet."
Railways Bad Seconds.
" I see, but did they themselves not supplicate the gods Dee Zel and Ali-Min-Yum? "
" Yes, Excellency, they have just begun to do so, but look at the start the hauliers have got."
"And the hauliers, Fu—are they a clannish tribe? "
" Yes, Sire, that is their greatest offence. Once they had trators in their ranks known as rate-cutters, and called by some, bIoominpest. These were our brightest hope. But one by one the cutters went to the workhouse and so confounded us."
" Ah, well, we have arrived, Fu," said the Emperor, as they stopped at the gates of the palace. "I daresay you have gone your best. I must see about raising your screw. I suppose you are careful with your sheckles, Fu? "
" Yes, 0 Possessor of all Virtues, The small despicable fortune of this crude animal is invested in HelHenee-Har-Cum-Prefs."
The Emperor nodded and passed within, his brow wrinkled in thought. I 9