Spring in the air with the dustman
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THE LATEST extravaganza to take Britain by storm is the dustman of the year competition. Sponsored by Dunlop and Shelvoke and Drewry, it will, I hear, be "somewhere between Lorry Driver of the Year and It's a Knockout."
Its official title is Supercrew of Britain and it will be held from March to May next. It will "test the professional skill, stamina and team spirit of the participants," says Dunlop.
Could the winners be those who completed their day's work by 9am and still managed to clock up overtime? Bonus points could be awarded on the scale: Rubbish strewn about the garden and street, 1 point per square foot; lid left off bin, 2 points; gate left open, 2 points; dog let out, 5 points (but go bad to start, miss a turn and lose all points if bitten); noise above 95dB, 5 points per decibel; broken windows, 10 points each A special bonus of 10 points could be awarded for each job that each participant did on the side without declaring it to the Inland Revenue. Moonlighters making more than £10,000 a year tax free might receive a supplementary award of 20 points.