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I t was one of those ideas you regret almost as
Page 50
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soon as it passes your lips. "Let's test the freight carrying capacity of a bik' I said. "We can see how many Christmas presents we can carry! It'll be a bit of seasonal fun." Before I knew it the remit of the test had widened slightly and it had gained an element of competition: we'd pit a cyclist against a van to see which could cross London faster.
The powered contender was soon sorted out —senior technical writerJulian Milnes would pilot a Citroen Berlingo equipped with Traffic Master Smart Nay to show him the way.
I regularly cycle to work but to put Manes in his place I brought in a ringer, former cyclecourier Roly Lambert, who knows his way around the smoke and is a past master of the death-defying style that would be needed for this head-to-head competition through the capital's congested arteries.
The day of the Lambert vs Milnes showdown dawned bright and clear—perfect weather for all concerned.
The concept was a simple one: the participants would set off from the same point on a multi-drop route across the eity.The contender with the quickest overall time would gain bragging rights for the next year or so.
Wrong location
The route started from South Kensington underground station in the south-west of the city. Sealed envelopes containing the route details were handed over on the dot of 11.37am and they were off.
As Lambert was flicking through his wellthumbed A-Z mapbook, Milnes raised the first query of the day —a conversation with the nice folk at Traffic Master's call centre failed to locate the first drop-off point. It quickly emerged that I'd written down the wrong location (Goods Road instead of Goods Way) and with this corrected they were off: Milnes with a screech of tyres and Lambert with a muttered "hut that's miles away".
Two swift runs and a tube ride on my part later and I'm loitering at the first drop, the BP garage behind Kings Cross station. Five minutes later, 31 minutes after the start, and Milnes pulls in. "Has he arrived yet?" he asks. I tell him that he's ahead at this early stage and there's no missing Milnes' grin. It's another 11 minutes before Lambert pedals up— 1-0 to the off-white van man.
However, from here on in it proved to be all one-way traffic.
Drop two takes the pair back across London to Halkin Street, home of the Society of Motor Manufacturers and Traders. I arrive first and wait, and wait... and wait some more.
Finally I spot Lambert. He's looking hot and sweaty, but is otherwise unperturbed.We wait for another 15 minutes before we catch sight of the silver machine — it has taken Milnes a horrendous hour to get down from Kings Cross.
It gets worse.The next drop is at the RAC Club on Pall Mall — a hop and a skip away for Lambert who takes just seven minutes. We spend the next 13 minutes loitering outside the entrance, being eyed suspiciously by bodyguards and doormen, before Milnes zooms into a recently vacated space.
I hitch a ride in the Berlingo for the final leg down to the London Design Museum just south of Tower Bridge to find out what it's like at the sharp end.The answer is, congested. There are queues of traffic everywhere, but the SmartNav system employs a certain level of cunning and directs us down several backstreet short cuts.
But even this is not a match for the congestion-busting speed of one man and his bike who beats us to the last location by another five minutes.
So overall Lambert completed the run in lhr 45min, compared with Milnes' 2hr 16min.That's a little over half an hour's difference over the 28 miles.
Our conclusion, if we have to make one, is that bikes are quicker for multi-drop work across the centre of London than any form of vehicle (apart, no doubt from a crazed 16-year-old pizza delivery boy on a moped). But if you really must drive, then sat-nay makes your life infinitely easier, •