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How do you conduct yourself?
Page 71
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WHEN a passenger boards your bus together with a hippopotamus-type dog, do you: (a) Give the dog one of your sandwiches; (b) give the dog one of your driver's sandwiches; (c) throw the dog out of the window; (d) throw the passenger out of the window?
Well, come on; don't stand there on the platform looking bewildered. Do something.
This testing little questionnaire is but a small sample of a collection of tongue-in-cheek problems published under the title "How do you rate as a bus conductor?" in the staff magazine of the Northern Group of Companies, Gateshead.
As the introduction points out, this is no tyro's task: it is a psychoanalysis based on "brilliant and intricate tests". I scored over 50, for which the rating reads: "You will never make a good conductor. However, after about 40 years of hard and patient training you may gain the respect of one or two passengers, but they will never really like you".
So that's another job down the drain for me.