BIRD'S EYE VIEW
Page 22
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BY THE HAWK
• "People of the same trade seldom meet together, even for merriment and diversion, but the conversation ends in a conspiracy against the public, or in some contrivance to raise prices." If Yugoslays ever read The Wealth of Nations they may well apply Adam Smith's attack on cartels to whoever supplies them with fuel.
In the past 10 years Yugoslavian fuel-price increases have approached the surreal; rocketing by 16,250% according to International Road Transport Union figures. The real villian of the piece is inflation, which has spiralled out of control as the country's economy founders.
So how much are the poor Yugoslays paying? Well, not much, in fact. Last year they forked out 1,120 dinars for a litre of dery (compared to 6.85 dinars in 1978) — but this translates to about 12.5p. Presumably it now takes a wheelbarrow full of notes for a tankful, like the 1920s German Weimar Republic.
Noteworthy comparisons over the same period include East Germany's 0% increase, West Germany's 4%, Switzerland's 8% and the UK's 100% (not a bad trick considering we're major oil exporter). Far be it from the Hawk to blame that on the millions in fuel excise duty every year.
• Road signs often seem to have little sense of direction: sometimes they are not allowed to point the way at all. One Norfolk vicar had his Christmas bazaar signs uprooted by the county council, only to find them stored in a nearby town, where another church was getting away with the same kind of technicallyillegal roadside advertising. • A turkey, alliteratively dubbed Thomas, has had rather a jollier Christmas than he might have expected when he fell off the back of a lorry. Hardly a yuletide treat, but rather better than the one-way trip to an abattoir for which the unfortunate was destined.
Sixteen-week-old Thomas was taken to the York RSPCA centre where he was fed (not to the other guests at the RSPCA Christmas party, to his undoubted relief) and treated for a damaged wing.
Thomas was just lucky the Hawk was not hovering overhead when he dropped off the transporter.
• It is no secret that John Prescott's move from Labour's energy to transport portfolio was a calculated slap on the wrist from Neil Kinnock for daring to challenge Roy Hattersley in last year's deputyleadership election.
As everybody knows, transport is a job that no aspiring politician wants, be he in Government or opposition.
Kinnock, however, is reportedly livid that following the three tragedies of last month, Clapham, Lockerbie and the M1 crash, Prescott has been popping up on TV more than he and the rest of the shadow cabinet put together.
Now I'm not one to gossip, but some pundits (not the Hawk who, like royalty, is above petty party squabbles) are saying that Kinnock has made a big mistake by demoting firebrand Prescott to transport at a time when road congestion, safety and preparations for 1992 are rising high on the political agenda and threatening to become major election issues next time round.
The Hawk predicts that with Paul Channon teetering out of political favour with Number 10, Prescott could be the man to seize the initiative and pole vault himself back into the Labour Party's top five. After all, it is he, not Channon, who will address the country's most influential hauliers at this year's RHA Tipcon lunch.
• Come on, be honest, how many of you over the age of 25 use metric measures in your daily work? Chances are the imperial gallon, foot, and cubic yard still play a major part in your life, even though we were all supposed to change to metric measurements years ago.
Perhaps part of the reason we have been so slow to take on metrication is that the Government is as excited about metrication as it is about 40tonne trucks. They know it has to come, but they want to put it off as long as possible.
Now, though, the EEC is forcing the Government to make changes, and most unpopular changes at that. A Commons Select Committee has announced plans to abolish the pricing of fuel in gallons on service station forecourts from 23 January. A price in litres will be the order of the day, with only a small conversion chart stuck to the pump for us imperialists. Any mention of the price in gallons will be strictly verboten.
But a different Government committee, this time on trade and industry, has tabled a motion condemning the plans. Metrication fanatics — give 'em 25.4mrn and they'll take 1.61km . . .