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On the Margin
Page 14
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Love is in the air
Take a stroll with us through the little sideroads of haulage, the diversions and detours, the quirky, the quixotic and the downright strange...
Here at On the Margin we are the kings of all things romantic. We're not afraid to take our loved ones out for a slap-up meal of fish, chips, scraps, mushy peas and, if she's been particularly good, a can of Irn Bru. Then whisk her off to the pictures to see something romantic featuring high-calibre automatic weapons before rounding off the evening with a tender moment over a bottle of something sparking like three litres of sweet cider on a park bench.
Never let it be said that we don't know how to treat a lady... what? Eh? (On the Margin looks puzzled as colleagues point out that Valentine's Day has actually been and gone. Damn. That individually-wrapped Ferrero Rocher will have to go back to the shop).
Anyway, desperate as all this may seem, at least we're not bashing out press releases on it. Yes, we're talking to you, Transport 2000 you with the sustainable transport policy and the lentil burgers in your fridge. To quote: "Britain actually 'in love with speed cameras', new survey shows on eve of Valentine's Day."
Transport 2000's very own survey reveals that there could be up to 10,000 requests every year from local communities in search of new ways to annoy motorists and, some might think, help the police raise hundreds of thousands of pounds. And, of course, add fuel to the dangerously over-fired imaginations of the sort of idiots who seek their own private revenge by setting fire to GATS0s.
Also turning the Barry White up on their stereos while lounging naked on the sheepskin rug in front of the fire are those perennial masters of the seasonal marketing opportunity, van hirers Northgate, bless 'em.
They sent in several tubes of sweet-toothed kiddies faves Love Hearts. Many thanks, and hooray for all the restorative dentistry we'll have to endure once we've finished them off.
Come on, feel the love.