CV Burp!
Page 10
If you've noticed an error in this article please click here to report it so we can fix it.
Welcome to the latest addition to CM, a sideways look at the road transport industry on telly, radio, papers and even t’interweb Well, the all-conquering road transport media mogul that is Hilary Devey continues to hog the limelight thanks to her turn on Dragon’s Den. And CV Burp couldn’t have agreed more with Times columnist Caitlin Moran when she said in her TV review column: “Her proportions are basically those of Optimus Prime. She gives every impression of being able, with four clicks, to transform into an 18-wheel artic with an exhaust pipe that shoots fire.”
Frankly, CV Burp dreams at night of Caitlin Moran, that flame-haired, Wolverhampton-born, MILF (see picture below). But it has to call her up on her gushing praise of Devey that, although deserved, describes the shoulder-padded dragon as “coming up with a plan to revolutionise pallet-based distribution in the UK”.
CV Burp could bore dear Caitlin to tears with tales of Bob Russett and the first network, Palletline, but would have to agree that Dragon’s Den is all about Devey now – even if the show itself is a format dying on its backside.
Speaking of dying on your backside, Channel Five offered us The Removal Men, a replacement for Eddie Stobart: Trucks and Trailers, that “follows the movers and shakers in their industry” (be still my aching sides) Pickfords.
Among the ‘highlights’ of the six-episode series are “a challenging move awaits a couple and their 13 dogs” and “one of the Pickfords crew gets a scaly surprise from a large lizard”. CV Burp mustn’t forget to set its Sky+ series link. Whoops, it actually did.
Still, who needs to actually watch the programme when the reviews on the Internet are much more entertaining? The Times Education Supplement (a sort of posh paper for teachers and stuff) says it was Big Dave who came in for the most ridicule.
“Dave used to be a trawlerman before answering his true calling at Pickfords,” it reads. “The viewer had an image of Dave on a boat in the middle of the ocean when, suddenly, a voice from Heaven calls out: ‘Behold, follow me and I will make you put things in boxes’.”
At the opposite end of the spectrum, the Daily Star went for something a little less demanding: “Step forward the delightful Toni who, far from being a token woman, holds the title of Packer of the Year.” Best we just end this here really....