One Hears
Page 3
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Of potatoes in hiding.
That design tells in the end.
That agents are now fairly in it.
Of rations coming down to earth.
More Ballin-nonsense from Germany. That " agrimotorculture" will survive.
That paper miir goes both down and up.
That this page should never set people by the ears.
That there's coke and stuff that should not be called coke.
That the taxation of petrol substitutes began last week.
Of beer by tank-wagon to save both barrels and labour.
That steam-wagon makers ire not worrying about more tank steamers.
That some of the county people do not like being under their local agents.
Of after-war dues and tolls on German shipping for using the Straits of Dover.
That the agent is now so agrimotorally busy that his ear takes. some finding.
That thousands of women munitioneers wish they were in domestic service again.
• That there will be anything up to 100,040 agrimotors at work in the U.K. within five years.
"Co-ordinated delivery! Why not of motor spirit and other imported petroleum products ? "
Of a joiner who was taken from a controlled engineering works and substituted for an undertaker.
That at least one U.S.A. donation to the Comfort: Fund must have been torpedoed on the way over.
That "The Times" did not see the point when it reported that 13,500 L.o.o.a. motorbuses had been commandeered.
That private motorists may use petrol substitutes only if they in future care to pay the price plus full duty and extra duty.
That if it's safe .from the standpoint of national defence to build the Channel tunnel the cost on any scale will not matter.
That an ode to petrol is one thing, what we owe to petrol another, and what a few buyers are allowed to owe for it yet another.
That the air-spaces between the fire-bars in steam wagons are not always widened enough to allow free steaming of the boiler when rubber tires are substituted for steel tires. That Clayton's " Multipede " article puzzled the Censor.
That boots cannot be bought for less than £7 a pair in Russia.
That the improvident are invariably the firsb.to cry down the "hoarders."
From those who know, that the average hospital sister is systematically disagreeable.
That no-name petrol may soon be the rule, and that we shall only know " War motor spirit No. I or No, II."
That open hostility to solid-rubber tires has been discreetly dropped—and wisely, as the L.G.B. report will show when it comes out.
That what has admittedly been amongst the very roughest war service has in fact fallen to the lot of those most highly-finished chassis, the Lanchesters, working as armoured cars in the Caucasus and the Balkans.
Nursery Rhymes for Present Times.No. 4.
Sing a Song of Accidents That happen ev'ry day' . All you little Boys and Girls, Hark to what I say! When you're not at lessons, Play in Field or Park, Do not run about the Streets, And go home ere it's dark.
It 'Zs. not safe to play in the streets. The public-playground is .the proper . place. If you must.play z.n, the street choose an. empty one .with no 2v4v through for motors or carts'.
A Private-ear. Owner Addressing Petrol. (With atiologies to SHELL-a.) Hail to thee, blythe spirit!
Oil thou never wert Priced ene-and-nine or near it Per gallon at the start Of war—but now thy dearness breaks my saddeu'd heart.
Higher still and higher Up in price thou springeet ; Me, thy would-be buyer, In the blues thou flingest. From exhaust thou pourest ; thy scented way thou wingest.
All the earth and air With thy voice was loud ; O'er each thoroughfare Hung a bluish cloud. Now, alas! thou seldom scentest any road!
Who now drives the Rolla ?
Only`the Red Hat— While we've only doles He has lots of Pratt.
That Control Committee! I wonder what they're at!
In a month or so Nobody will sell Unto me—ah, woe ! Either Pratt or Shell. That Control Committee! I wish they were in . I