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byThe Hawk
Increased efficiency, Government style
WHEN THE Government saw sense and abandoned its plan to hand over commercial-vehicle testing to private enterprise, it undertook to examine its own organisation and look for ways to increase efficiency. At the same time, ministers from Mrs Thatcher downwards continued to exhort British manufacturers to reduce costs and become more competitive.
The result of all this soulsearching is the announcement that the first annual test fee for commercial vehicles is to be raised by 91/2 per cent from £21 to £23 and for a paid re-test by 15 per cent from £10 to £11.50 against a current inflation rate of 5.3 per cent. There are rumours that the alternative is for the Government to find the extra revenue by selling GCHQ at Cheltenham to private enterprise.
Truly is it said that those who can, do, and those who can't, run the country.
Too much of the hard stuff
NEVER MENTION the hard stuff to the crew — a New Zealander and an Australian — of a doubledeck touring coach operated by Topdeck Tours of London. They have been sentenced by a Quetta magistrate to two years of it on a charge, which they denied, of smuggling whisky contrary to Islamic laws.
In Chesterfield they know better. The Rev Brian Cooper, vicar of St Mary and All Saints, stuck to holy water and incense when he blessed a double-deck bus which has been specially painted to mark the 750th anniversary of the church with a crooked spire. There is a 9ft-high painting of the church on the offside of the bus, while two choir boys render "Praise the Lord" on the back panel. Perhaps this will discourage the graffiti writers.
Does garlic breed violence?
CRITICS OF British lorry drivers should turn their eyes to France if they want to know what nastiness is really like. Bad feeling and a good deal of inconvenience were caused by the national strike of lorry drivers in this country several years ago but it was at least a civilised demonstration.
It might have taken a very different turn if riot squads with tear gas had waded in. This may be the only kind of persuasion that the French understand but an experiment with minimum force in the British tradition would be interesting.
Or is it simply the case that garlic inflames passions and breeds violence?
This is what productivity does
A NEW model is announced at Marlow — but not this time by DAF. It is the result of a productivity deal worked out last year between Christopher Thorneycroft-Smith, DAF's former marketing director, and his delightful wife, Vivienne, who was press officer.
It is known as type CTS84 and Christopher lists its main features as: unladen weight, 8Ib 6oz; overall length, 51cm; fuel capacity, 8oz; headlamps, blue; livery, pink and blue; noise level, 98dB (noisy).
Although originally conceived as a 4x0, this diminutive tanker will soon be developed as a 4x4 before finally becoming a 4x2.
A day at Lynwood in half-an-hour
ANYONE WHO is not well aware of the motor trade benevolent fund's splendid work should watch the Central TV programme at 11am on Sunday, March 11. It will compress into half-an-hour 10 hours filming of a typical day at the Fund's beautiful home at Lynwood, Sunninghill, Berkshire.
Some of the residents will talk about the early days of the motor and cycle industries and the charismatic Geoffrey Atkinson, chief executive, will leave no doubt about the fund's claim on the generosity of everyone in the industry. If he can't coax money out of people, who can?
It's a sell-out in the cells
TRENDY MAGISTRATES are causing problems by sentencing drivers who have too little blood in their alcohol to four days in police cells despite a shortage of suitable accommodation in some places. A caring police force is rightly embarrassed by its inability to provide delinquent drivers with the comforts to which they are accustomed.
The solution is simple. Transfer hardened offenders from prison to some of the Paddington hotels. This should persuade them to think twice about further transgression while making room in prison for alcoholic drivers. Police cells could then be reserved once again for short stays by streaking cub mistresses at table-tennis tournaments, cyclists without lights and Oxford Street's itinerant umbrella sellers.
Musical air brakes
ETHEL MERMAN, the American musical comedy star who died recently and shattered more eardrums that Concorde, began her working life in a factory making air brakes. When customers complained of brake squeal the service manager told them: "You've heard nothing yet".