1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
34
35
36
37
38
39
40
41
42
43
44
45
46
47
48
49
50
51
52
53
54
55
56
57
58
59
60
61
62
63
64
65
66
67
68
69
70
71
72
73
74
75
76
77
78
79
80
81
82
83
84
85
86
87
88
89
90
91
92
93
94
95
96
97
98
99
100
101
102
103
104
105
106
107
108
109
110
111
112
113
114
115
116
117
118
119
120
121
122
123
124
125
126
127
128
129
130
131
132
133
134
135
136
137
138
139
140
141
142
143
144
145
146
147
148
149
150
151
152
153
154
155
156
157
158
159
160
161
162
163
164
165
166
167
168
169
170
171
172
173
174
175
176
177
178
179
180
181
182
183
184 
Something is rotten...
Page 60
If you've noticed an error in this article please click here to report it so we can fix it.
Idon't believe itthe price of dery has risen again! Why is it that every time I buy fuel it's gone up overnight? When my suppliers are pressed for an explanation, the excuses range from the cor-blimey to the pathetic.
Idon't believe itthe price of dery has risen again! Why is it that every time I buy fuel it's gone up overnight? When my suppliers are pressed for an explanation, the excuses range from the cor-blimey to the pathetic.
Idon't believe itthe price of dery has risen again! Why is it that every time I buy fuel it's gone up overnight? When my suppliers are pressed for an explanation, the excuses range from the cor-blimey to the pathetic.
When they can't dream up a convincing story, the fall-back excuse is "Rotterdam". Having visited the city a number of times, it seems to me unfair to demonise the good burghers, but while cutting the lawn this weekend I found myself musing on the lineage of the oil companies and their bedmates. I'm sure they're descended from the robber barons who roamed the lands raping and
pillaging at will hundreds of years ago.Today, the barons have broadened their circle to include Arab sheikhs,African chiefs, South American dictators, Chelsea supporters and the lowest of the low: HM11-easury. Now there's a body of folk that invented the 'heads I win, tails you lose' scenario.What I don't understand is that when the world's second-largest oil field has just been 'liberated', the price of oil is sky-high. I've never trusted oil companies since I rumbled one of their favourite scams many years ago. They used to advertise the virtues of their super-duper Benzene with added Vitamin C and claim
it gave more miles per gallon than Brand X.Around this time I had the pleasure of loading a cargo of refined product in Europe bound for Lagos, Nigeria. On arrival in Nigeria I conferred with the tank farm's superintendent to determine whose cargo should go where — after all, we didn't want our new super-duper Benzene mixing with the inferior stuff.
I was a bit taken aback when the superintendent replied: "Just send it down the line and we will divert it to Joe Bloggs or Brand X — whichever suits us best."
"What about the special additive?" I enquired. "A load of tosh," came the reply. "It's all the same." Sure enough, the Lagos Times was carrying adverts the next day telling readers all about the superiority of Blogg's oil...
My youngest son,Patrick, came home from school recently with his careers profile. "Very good,"! said. "They've done a good job." "They've done a good job? Don't you mean I've done a good job?" he protested."They've written down exactly what! told them in the interview." Now where had I heard that before? Oh yes — that's what Terry said a
couple of weeks ago after we'd taken up the offer of a business review from one of the consultant quangos littering Wales.
Terry had spent two days with the consultant having his brain downloaded to a laptop (as we now realise).The ensuing report simply reiterated all the strengths and weaknesses of the business exactly as Terry described them.
The other day, I was in Yorkshire with a customer looking at a custom-built factory. The site was totally bespoke, tailored to the exact requirements of the customer, but with one tiny flaw: it couldn't accommodate trucks to transport the finished products away.The consultant who had set up the scheme and advised on the build is now sunning himself at his Mediterranean villa, while we poor saps have to stretch our brains to make it all work. We should all know better than to throw ourselves on the mercy of a consultant. After all, a consultant is someone who comes in to tell you the time, asks for your watch, looks at the time, tells you how grateful you should be and keeps the watch in payment. Nice work if you can get it. •