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IN THE NEWS
Page 12
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Stuart Thomas gives us his regular round-up of the way the newspapers have covered the world of transport this week.
Look around you. Our country is being infiltrated by immigrants. They're everywhere and are constantly testing the borders of our proud country. Well, according to The Sun anyway.
"Trojan Horse Boxes" was just one recent headline, describing stowaways' attempts to enter Britain. The theory goes that Customs' kit cannot differentiate between CO2 exhaled by a horse or a human, so the illegals are freely nipping in to Blighty in the back of horse boxes, holding on to Dobbin's fetlocks.
"A similar trick was used by Greeks in 1,200BC, hiding in a giant wooden horse to fool the inhabitants of the besieged city of Troy to let them in," announced the tabloid, corning over all know-it-all while crowbarring in an explanation for its headline.
There then followed 'Asylum Scandal At Navy War HQ". Somehow, an asylum seeker got into a truck carrying secret missile parts bound for HMS Nelson in Portsmouth.
"Those responsible need their heads examining," raged the Shadow Defence Secretary, who perhaps has access to intelligence detailing where stowaways intend to hide next.
More madness, this time courtesy of the Yorkshire Post, which described, "some of the most chaotic scenes ever witnessed in the Grimsby area". No, nothing to do with a particularly rowdy Friday night down the docks following too many ales and a fish supper, but a council related cock-up. Desperate to ease the traffic flow on what is dubbed "Britain's noisiest road", council officers distributed forms in a fact-finding mission about driver behaviour on the eastbound carriageway of the A180.
A traffic census spells chaos...
IT was In exercise &Maned to ease the traffic Sew on whet ha, been dubbed Bretaln's noisiest road
Except they handed them out to motorists without warning in rush hour, according to the paper in an effort to capture "a realistic snapshot of the volume of traffic" on the road.
"We maybe picked a busy day, we are trying to minimise the delays," sheepishly admitted a council spokesman, as tailbacks snaked towards the horizon and beyond.