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Remember the traffic man...
Page 66
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The appearance of a new traffic man — the linchpin of any fleet operation — prompts Brian Lee to mull over what must be the most thankless job in the business. Last January, a young man presented himself to me and, like a sacrificial lamb, offered himself as a traffic man — possibly the most thankless post in any road transport company.
The young man,Jamie, had recently qualified as a solicitor.I asked why he wanted to exchange potential millions for the life of a pauper in road transport. He said, and I kid you not. that he felt the men and women in transport were good and true folk, unlike most of the flotsam and jetsam that frequent the legal profession.
Thinking of that episode, I took stock of the men and women who man our traffic desks.
Traffic men are the Clapham Junction of transport:they link the drivers, the customer and the management. It's a thankless task, a bit like being a football referee: whatever they do, everybody else can do it better and every mistake is remembered and savoured.
Be a fly on the wall of any greasy spoon and the talk will flow once a couple of stewed Typhoos have been downed: "Do you remember the time we were doublebooked at South Ruislip? What a plonker the traffic man was." Forget the ten thousand good drops. let's savour the mistakes. Management, drivers, loaders and weighbridge men can make a thousand mistakes that pass unnoticed, but the traffic man is only as good as his last load.
In my 20-plus years in transport I've had the privilege of knowing some great traffic men and women. Bomber Harris, Mery the Swerve,Toto,Trickie Dickie,Maria andAngie Bulk... folk who,alongwith theircontempotaries.could conjure a load from nowhere,like a magician pulling a rabbit from a hat.
Stuck on Snowdon
"Phil, I'm stuck on the side of Snowdon, have you got anything?" might be the request. "No problem, a load to go just down the road from you." But here's the catch: what you have to remember is that the main attribute of a true traffic man is being economical with the truth.
"Just down the road" can mean anything from 10 miles to 1,000. They don't tell lies,just use nebulous phrases such as "it will be with you soon"."Soon" obviously depends on whether you mean soon in the context of an hour or the history of the world.
When you first become a defender of the traffic desk you are surgically attached to a telephone. Mobiles have benefited traffic clerks in that their days can now be extended to 25 hours. They are available at all times: in the office; at a family barbecue; or in the more intimate moments of their lives.
Many of the characters have moved on to that land beyond the stars where drivers thank them for sending them for 27-tonne handball loads; where wing mirror glasses wear out and don't break; where customers insist that the rate they've asked for includes three meals a day for your family and enough clothes and shoes for your children; and where the boss says: "Thank you, that's a great traffic sheet.Why don't you go early tonight? I'll take over."
Thankfully, there's a new generation of traffic men and women ready to run the gauntlet: our Anthony; young Malcolm; spoton Raymond; Curley;Deano; and many more — including Jamie.A sincere thank you to you all... the life blood of our industry. •