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By our Northern Correspondent Eric Strongitharm, Oswaidtwistle.
Page 24
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Progress marches forwards as inexorably as th( hands of a clock turn around the clock face mark ing the steady creep of time through the day or, as the doughty folk of Oswaldtwistle say, "Fettlin' it's in rtilood," And as the latest example of cutting. edge engineering rolls off the production line al the legendary Ironworks plant of the Spagthorpc Motor Company the locals are in no doubt of its forward-thinking genius.
"Aye, t'engineers at Ironworks are a breed apari and no mistake. Some of them even drink that fancy frothed-up coffee an' everything. Always a sign of great minds at work I reckon," confides plant insider 'Whispering' Ted Crabtree.
Crabtree paints a picture of genius rampaging around the drawing office of the S MC, with chalkboards, drawing easels and fag packets covered in prototype doodles. "I've never seen owt like it, not outside t' local nut'ouse anyroad," adds Crabtree.
The latest model to be unveiled by Spagthorpe's Ferret Works development team is the SMC Undefinabale. "A multi-purpose, multiutility, do-it-all, vanfunction tractor-unitcum-milk-float-cumrefuse wagon designed for the operator who wants everything," says SMC's sales brochure.
S M C Chief Engineering Overseer Isaac 'Slide-rule' Frazackerley explains the birth of the fascinating new design: 'Well, after a long night of drawing we weren't gettin' right far, so we took a sheet of paper and each took a turn drawin' a section of t'waggon and then foldin' page over before passin' it on. It seems to have turned out right mind, although Sir Jos wanted to call it 'T' Dogs Breakfast'.
"Don't rightly know why, I guess it's one of those young uns' phrases that means it's reet grand." FLASH: An enraged Frazackerley has had to be restrained from assaulting Sir Jos Spagthorpe after learning the true meaning of the phrase 'It looks like a dog's breakfast'. "I'll show him meaning of 'where sun don't shine'" muttered a deranged Frazackerley clutching a large T-square.