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By our Northern Correspondent Eric Strongitharm Oswaldtwistle.

16th May 2002, Page 20
16th May 2002
Page 20
Page 20, 16th May 2002 — By our Northern Correspondent Eric Strongitharm Oswaldtwistle.
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Keywords : Oswaldtwistle

Spagthorpe Motor Co Chairman and President for Life, Sir Jos Spagthorpe, has crumbled in the face of a barrage of complaints from the careerminded young ladies of Oswaldtwistle, infuriated by the great man's radical scheme to bring young blood into the business. Having sponsored the 33rd Oswaldtwistle (St Pancreas and the Martyred Despots) Scouts with a merit badge for Truck Driving, Sir Jos reluctantly agreed to take the nearby St Hildas Reform School for Precocious Young Madams on the edge of Gawthorpe Moor (formerly Heckmonthwaite Girls) for a spin in an SMC Behemoth.

Leading the adventurous damsels is Sir Jos's daughter Millicent Augusta Spagthorpe, heiress to the Spagthorpe fortunes, and his winsome 'niece Gracie, a former winner of the Annual Miller Owners and Capitalist Despots Beauty Pageant plus a few taggers-on from the local comp' who are doubtless aiming to win a date or two. While waiting to take the young ladies out on their jaunt, Sir Jos granted your Northern Correspondent an exclusive interview: "It's a grand moment for us to be helpin' equal opportunities. Showin' the young lasses of Spagthorpe that there's a great career path for the fair sex at t. Ironworks. We're allus lookin' for someone t'mek tea and sweep up."

FLASH: Oleaginous sales & marketing director the Hon Nigel Spagthorpe has left on a lengthy tour of the Continent following an "incident" during the outing. When asked for a comment Sir Jos said: "Ah've told you before, Strongitharmdon't stick yer nose where it don't belong!"


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