By our Northern Correspondent Eric Strongitharm Oswaldtwistle.
Page 20
If you've noticed an error in this article please click here to report it so we can fix it.
The mystery surroundirt the planting of a dozen palm trees outside the legendary Iron Works, home of Spagthorpe Motor Company, has coincided with the sudden appearance of what appear to be "aliens" with shiny silver heads.
The luxurious foliage has attracted horticulturists from as far away as Wasnop Edge and Dogbottom Clough; but, closer investigation has shown it conceals a line of mobile phone masts. Health and safety rep Obediah Nowtrnove is threatening to go to the press: "We're biking t'lead story in t'Ostvaldtwistle Procrastinator!"
Although the trees were originally welcomed by members of the SMC design team as a place to shelter while smoking, suspicions were raised by the pile of lightly grilled pigeons that has grown at the base of each one.
Final confirmation was given by SMC electrical engineer Ernie "Flashman" Wiggins: "Them'll fry us brains!" Meanwhile, Sir Jos Spagthorpe has rejected suggestions that the trees are camouflage for the masts, which breach local planning laws.
During a mass meeting yesterday Wiggins advised SMC employees to wrap their heads in Bacofoil in order to deflect microwave emissions from the masts. A call to use the foil lower down, "like on us tackle, tha knows", was rejected as likely to revive old Dictaphone jokes.