By our Northern Correspondent Eric Strongitharm
Page 21
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Oswaldtwistle.
Acrimony is rife throughout the legendary "Iron Works", home of Spagthorpe Motor Company, following the shock announcement that its famous ukelele band is to represent the Empire in the forthcoming Eurovision Song Contest.
Members of the band are already demanding "tuning-up time" at the end of their shifts prior to band practice, causing resentment amongst fellow assembly workers. Meanwhile SMC chairman Sir Jos Spagthorpe says he will not countenance any changes to their current moohrs to 21.45hrs shift. "They'll do anything to bugger off early," says Sir Jos. The bandsmen say the extra time is needed to bring their instruments up to "broadcast condition" and to build replacements.
"It's amazing how many pieces of a ukelele are shared by a 15-tonne Spagthorpe Stoic," comments Arthur Sibelius, lead ukelele player and conductor. "And what we can't use, we can always fettle ourselves."
FLASH: Dozens of Spagthorpe Stoics have been returned to the Iron Works by angry customers with complaints of missing parts. According to one "There was a strange shape cut out of Vdoor like—if I didn't know better I'd swear it were backplate of a bloody ukelele!" SMC security chief Ronald Gribbet is seeking an interview with Arthur Sibelius.