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Jottings of Jock .

6th January 1940, Page 33
6th January 1940
Page 33
Page 33, 6th January 1940 — Jottings of Jock .
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DERE Fellow Knights of the Road, At this time of year yoors trooly can't help remembering the memorial utterance made by Old Joe when he sed to his missus: "Maggie," he ses, " each time we eat one of them Christmas Puddings o' yorn I know we :gotta pass another milestone."

" What the heck you looking for?" "Nothing."

"Oh! You'll find it in the slate-club envelope over there."

Well chapsis, how's getting? Yoors trooly hopes there ain't bin no interlectural deteriation set in threw not being able to improve the mind with a regular doze of Jock's Juvenating Jottings. Noos is leaking-through (like an army tent after a rookys cum in on a wet night with his hat on) from sum of the boys from the yard what's bin scattered far and wide making the world safe for what's left of demockracy after this dust-up is finished.

HEALTH NOTES Tubby Buster have writ to say that since he's bin under canvas in France he's bin eating three driver's dinners. Old Fred ses it's a good job the French is our Allies, because that sort of lark wouldn't half cause a ruddy row among the drivers in Kentish Town.

GOVERNMENT APPOINTMENT Horace, our office boy, whats jest 19 years and 11 months have jest had his hand read by one of them futurist perceivers what tells him that he may shortly expect a Government appointment.

THE FRIEND OF MAN

Darky Matthews sends a note to say he ain't feeling so good since his truck was improvised for a ambulance by them A.R.P. precautions. He ses its blinking bad enuf being give a horse to drive after being a motor driver for 15 years, but what makes it more horrible he ses is that they give him a blistering Beljim horse what can't understand a word of English.

ANALYSIS Darky ses he thinks it's not so much a horse as a sort of hors

d' wuvres, because it seems to be all bits •and pieces. He ses he believes it might be the original Nightmare, because it only wakes up at night when it gets back to the stable an sees a bag of oats. This horse he ses hadn't never see a double rein nor a bag of real oats till it slipped down the gangway at Harwich, so it spends about two hours per deans going up Lower Thames Street and environs at an angle of 45.5 degrees North, and about six hour biteing its way through enuf oats to feed all Scotland for a couple of years.

REFINEMENTS Darky ses that this model what they give him cum orf the equestrian assembly line before reversing gears for horses was thought of. On them occasions when you want to take the wagon back a few yards its necessary to walk the stuttering steed right round the block.

THRILLER

" Ili, you, don't let your beleaguered blood-bound get sniffing round our petrol tank—we lost last week's supplementary ration that way."

PHILOSOPHY OR SUMINK Don't it sumtimes seem funny, cbapsis, that its easier to love them brothers in distant lands what we ain't never seed than it is to want to help them brothers we are seeing on the road every day of the week.

DIET NOTES Larst week Young Ginger caused a sensation by asking the grocers up the road to shew him a selection of " neutral sauces." (Gercher!) KEEPING UP MORALE Ted 011iphant, the inventive driver, has writ to the Minister of Home and Colonial Affairs suggesting that at black-out time sum of them spare barrage hallbons whats strewed about the delectable residential quarters of greater London should be used to transport eager pedestrians over the Belisha crossings. Nobby Clarke ses wouldn't it be awkward for the last pedestrian to go over because there wouldn't be no body to haul him down. Ole Fred ses that don't present no difficulty because there's always at least a couple more pedestrians to dash over after the larst one has crossed. IT'S THAT TRUCK AGAIN!

Now that that 1924 whatsitsname belonging to the tradesman acrost the street is running on Pool Spirit it passeth nothing but understanding.

FINANCIAL NEWS The nation is said to be behind the Government, but it seems to get its pocket picked just the same.

NATURE NOTES In several parts of the country large packs of wolves can be seen migrating from the' door-steps of motor-trade premises and attempting to maskerade as church mice. One correspondent tells yoors trooly that he see a terrified looking wolve trying to keep a fierce motor trader away from her door.

HOT NEWS Tug Wilson have sent in a postcard (unstampecl) from sumwhere in England, saying as how the stove in the local Kosy Kabin is beginning to warm up on top.

ART NOTES One of them amateur artist motor traders is working on the painting of a sensational picture for the next Academy—its going to be called "The Frozen Pool," FORECAST That noise you hear just round the corner is the politicians fighting about what they meant by "a just and lasting peace."

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Locations: Kentish Town, London

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