By our Northern Correspondent Eric Strongitharm Oswaldtwistle: In a bid
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to boost equal opportunities at the legendary Ironworks, Sir Jos Spagthorpe, Chairman and Life President of the Spagthorpe Motor Company. recovering well from the frostbite and multiple fractures he suffered during SMC's psychological management seminar in Siberia (Backfire, 28 June-4 July), has been exposing his engineering expertise to a new audience. The great man has agreed to teach twice-weekly engineering night dasses at nearby St Hildas Reform School for Precocious Madams (formerly Heckmonthwaite Girls') with the promise of an apprenticeship at the end for the most talented student.
Pictured here with a bevy of nubile would-be engineers tinkering with a 16litre S MC Saurian engine, Sir Jos praised the scheme: "These lasses have more bloody gumption abaht them than any of me bloody workshop staff— even Frazackerley has never got me engine racing like that. And the pretty little things brighten up t'factory a treat, make a gradley cup o'tea and can sweep up after thissens infevening."
Explaining to one of the students what set them apart from his other factory workers Sir Jos said: "It's those long slim fingers and delicate hands that can get right into the little crevices that make you so special. Now come over here pet, grab hold of this tool, and see if we can't shift these nuts a little."
FLASH: Following a mysterious incident at a local school, Sir Jos Spagthorpe has spent a night in the Barnoldswick & Oswaldtwistle general hospital. He refused to discuss the incident in which he was left tied, naked save for a gym-slip, to a set of hockey posts with a message scrawled in lipstick across his chest reading "school's out."