How not to drop a clanger in Sweden
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A KINDLY Englishman who has had both embarrassing and amusing experiences in Sweden has written a booklet for the guidance of visitors to Scania.
If you want to get in on the ground floor, don't be fooled by lifts, because in Sweden the ground floor is the first. Tipping in hotels is not normal, except for unspecified "special services," but anyone who does not tip a taxi driver may wonder whether all Swedish people are, in the words of the booklet, "charming and friendly and welcome visitors unless they are driving Russian submarines."
Most Swedes speak excellent English but it is useful to have a few words of the language. "Where have you been all my life?" is thoughtfully translated for those who go dancing.
Hej, it should be noted, means either hello or goodbye, which is handy if you don't know whether you are coming or going. This state can rapidly be induced by drinking starkol export beer costing several pounds a pint or absolute vodka 100 US proof, which is "capable of putting a man on the moon." This is what the Americans mean when they say: "We have lift-off."
Sweden is a healthy place where "the most common ailment is hangover." Sufferers are asked to moan quietly as they are not likely to be alone in theis distress.
There is a timely warning for smorgasbord gluttons.
Breakfast is a matter of chasing self-service "food laid out in a totally illogical order" and could well be omitted by those who have overdone the smorgasbord.
Even if, as the booklet says, "all Swedes are not blondehaired, blue-eyed beauties," a visit to Scania is a memorable and wholly enjoyable experience.