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le you have any 'Whits of industry gossip? If so,

5th April 2001, Page 18
5th April 2001
Page 18
Page 18, 5th April 2001 — le you have any 'Whits of industry gossip? If so,
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please contact Backfire, Commercial Wotor, Rm H203, Quadrant House, The Quadrant, Sutton, Surrey SM2 MS, or fax 020 1652 8969. Alternatively you can e-mail melanie.hammend@rbi.co.uk.

Nhy anyone would object to having a white van in a Tesco livery pull up at their loor to deliver groceries is anybody's guess. But it seems the supermarket has bowed to pressure from its more snobby shoppers and is sending out hesuited chaps in Range Rovers. Ideal for those who can't bear the thought of having a simply ghastly van turning up at their home counties mansion and lowering the tone of the neighbourhood. Rumours that home counties-based newsagents are to discard paperboys in favour of dashing young chaps on thoroughbred stallions are proving hard to pin down.

Norwegian moose in search of a mate is reported to have mistaken a yeiow Ford Ka for a would-be-bedfellow. But when the moose got no response horn his four-wheeled friend, he made sure he left his calling card. The notorist found his car covered in lick marks, saliva and, ah, excrement. He old his local newspaper: "I'm a bit uncertain whether I should take the risk of etting the car stand alone and defenceless in the front yard from now on."

..Perhaps our friendly moose should have tried this not-so-little numberhilled as "the world's largest dump truck". This green giant was known as 'The Titan" in its glory days and was capable of carrying 400 tons of coal. Built by General Motors and shown with five saloon cars in the bucket, ft lwarfed the other machines working alongside it. These days, the Titan stands on the main highway in SparNeed, British Columbia, Canada, the town's claim to fame. So famous that Canada's other olaim to fame, Celine Mon, wrote a song shout it. Oh no, that was the Titanic.

By our Northern Correspondent

Eric Strongitharm Oswaldtwistle.

Spagthorpe Motor Company has astounded its customers and confounded its rivals with the unveiling of a "stealth" tractor called the Phantom. Built using radar and light absorbent panels that make it all but invisible to the naked eye, the only clue as to its presence is of an apparently uncoupled trailer moving down the road at high speed pulled by a slightly shimmering light source.

"It's ideal for dodging them bloody Gatso cameras and for avoiding parking tickets" says a proud Sir Jos Spagthorpe. And you can sneak up on those lazy goodfortnothings playin' cards in t'warehouse without the buggers knowin' yer there!" Ministry of Defence officials have already expressed an interest in the Phantom as a frontline logistical supply vehicle capable of avoiding enemy fire at close range. If they can't see it how can they hit it?" said a spokesman.

However, last night local residents spotted members of Spagthorpe's design team walking slowly around the test track of the legendary Iron Work with their hands outstretched. According to an insider who prefers to remain anonymous: "Daft beggar of a test driver parked it up with t'engine running and now we can't find the damn thing!"

FLASH: Sir Jos Spagthorpe was admitted to Oswaldtwistle Infirmary last night with suspected concussion after bumping into an unknown object in the vicinity of the Iron Works test track.


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