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ONE HEARS

30th March 1920, Page 3
30th March 1920
Page 3
Page 3, 30th March 1920 — ONE HEARS
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Which of the following most accurately describes the problem?

That S.E,R.viee is none too good.

It asked, "does the worm rub or roll?"

That, when it comes to oil, Price sells, and quality tells.

The enquiry as to whether we can fit a thyroid gland?

Of the Autovac.—Negative pressure, positive pleasure.

That there is a marked scarcity of bonnet material this Spring.

Cultivate the "long view," or the other man will be there first.

"When did the band tyre? When it was a German band."

That crucible steel is still rising in price owing to a squeeze of the shorts.

Of £25 shares hanging cn threads once worth one shilling. It makes one reel!

That there isn't any Spring suspension, judging by the quantity of bloom about " This is my trial trip," said the prisoner as he Motored to court in Black Maria.

As an insurance enquiry.—" Which is the best policy l "—Honesty, of 4niese.

"There's no getting away from it!" said the lorry, when chased by the Ford van, on a hill.

Complaints from abroad of insufficient postage on catalogues and lists mailed from this country.

That many Londoners have recently been riding on buses -running on creosote and didn't know it.

That some people hoped great things from the opposition of wait and see" to " waste and see not."

" I guess I'm in for a good time," said the valve to the fitte. "Yes," said the fitter, "if you don't lose your head."

That the lorry heading for the electric light standard was overheard to say: "I'm just running to catch a post." , "You are too flash," said the driver to the boiler, when. he blistered his thumb on the red-hot (superheated) steam-pipe.

That, on each market-day, enterprising agents at Bradford parade their respective lorries and give trial runs for the benefit of prospective purchasers.

Complaints that many a "piti-bank" is gradually disappearing into steam-wagon fireboxes, making it a difficult matter for -drivers to keep an "even gauge." That it might be called the L:G.O.K.

Of his " coasts" which reduce his costs.

That Fords are up again.—£255 for the van.

That the taxi-drivers' harvest appears to be over.

That our railways are run—as ever—on the "Block" system.

Enquiries for news about pneumatics for speedy steamers.

That you can bivalves even when, there isn't an R in the month.

That after all, £4,000,000,000 profit should only be 22,800;000,000.

Anyhow, Mr. Austen Onamberlain may rest assured that we ourselves are blameless, That Downham Market Must be a nice place to live in nowadays.

That the colours of the cars in Piccadilly are as varied as the dresses.

That March having come in like a iamb is forgetting to go out like a lion.

That it may do so still.

That, if efficiency is the order of the day, affairs ought to go along swimmingly.

That " specialist " is the modern name for quack, in Carlyle's sense of the word.

That, after a long round, there is "no place like home "—if it is a homelike place.

That the East Ham life-guards charge on the Corporation Tramways has no military significance.

That " a pair of slippers" was the bystander's description of two Fords that had skidded into collision.

That the driver dipped into poetry when he described-his dud inner tube as "a thing Of shreds and patches."

That some fine feats of horsemanship and of taotor acrobatics are displayed in the circuses of London nowadays.

Questions as to who were the most disappointed— those who have not seen the censored Helen advertisement or those who have.

• That the Ministry of Agriculture is offering •Olueenbees at 8s. 6c1. apiece. That any driver who hasn't a hive can keep a bee in his bonnet.

That the CoventryCorporation Bill, embodying ways and means of transport (now before 4 Select Committee) will allocate .54,430 to motor -buses.


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