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Love lies bleeding
by janus
N
" EVER judge the contents of a book by the title and the picture on the cover," advised Maggie's brother Cromwell. He held up a paperback volume displaying in bold type the words "Sex Change" and the equally prominent charms of a naked woman and a naked boy, "It certainly looked like the ideal companion for your train journey," I said. "Like me, you have overlooked the sub-title in small print," said Cromwell. "It reads 'The Metamorphosis of the Worker Bee'. I found it hard going," The cover seemed almost to be demanding a more prolonged scrutiny. I indulged in one.
"There are some bees there," I said, "if you look closely enough, which I am sure you have done. The lady is Venus and the child is Cupid. He is complaining because the bees have stung him. There is some kind of connection with the treatise inside."
ISTILL believe there might be a case under the Trade Descriptions Act," said Cromwell. "There is far too much of this sort of thing going on. Take this document I received the other day. It is headed 'The Blood-letters of BritishRail' and it is said to be 'issued jointly'—now there is a significant phrase if you care to roll it round the tongue for a little while—by the Friends of the Earth, the National Council on Inland Transport and the Ramblers' Association."
"Sounds very promising," I admitted. "All they need to complete the circle is the Worshipful Order of Druids and a caravanserai of gipsies."
"You take my point," said Cromwell. "I expected to read about mysterious pagan rites and unspeakable midsummer night sacrifices on a level crossing in the depths of the country."
"Instead of which—" I prompted.
" INSTEAD of which," said Cromwell, "the three organizations are merely pursuing an argument which I have put forward many times. They point out that the ordinary laws of commerce do not apply to the railways. The more money the Government gives them and the more industriously they cut away uneconomic Services, so much the worse becomes their financial plight."
"The idea would be," I suggested, "to reverse the process: to stop the subsidies and allow the railways to open more lines at a loss. Then at last they will begin to show a profit."
"You are going a little too fast," said Cromwell. "I have not come across any reference in the document to a profit, past, present or future. Nor is there any proposal that the subsidies should stop—merely that we should stop dignifying 'the ridiculously small sums now paid' with that title. The preferred wording is 'an investment by the community in its well-being'."
OT a description to quicken the pulse," I said. "The general public who pay the money will continue to think of it as a subsidy. There is some point, however, in what you say about the unei-onomic services. The reduction in their number does not seem to have helped rail finances much."
"This is where the leeches come in," said Cromwell. "The document alleges that Lord Beeching's 'hopes were pinned on saving a modest sum by closing what were presumably the most uneconomic parts of the system and in practice not even savings of the order which he had in mind were ever realized by the closures'."
"To get the next point across," I said, "I expect they called him by his old title of `Dr' Beaching?"
"Right as usual," said Cromwell. "Let me put it in their own words: `To expect larger savings than he achieved, by closure of some of the remaining more remunerative lines, which are no longer even over-staffed, and from which expensive steam operation has been eliminated, savours of the simple faith of the old blood-letters who never paused to question their methods despite the continuing deaths of their patients'."
"That has certainly put the doctor in his place," I said. "To the ordinary person it must be somewhat confusing. If a line is remunerative, surely nobody would want to close it. If it is losing money, this must be because nobody is using it. so that there is no point in keeping it open. On the other hand, somebody else might make a better job of it and he ought not to be denied the opportunity."
•T HE possibility is not neglected,"
said Cromwell. "There is a proposal that a local group or council should have first refusal of a line and its fixed assets when the railways have no further use for them. It is even urged that at other times the railways should be prevented from selling off stretches of line so that they are no longer available for transport purposes."
"Here at least," I said, "there is common ground with the road transport associations and with other categories of road user, not forgetting the Railway Conversion League."
"It is all very friendly," Cromwell agreed. "What I find rather touching is that the section in the document which makes these propoals is headed 'Alternatives to British Rail'. There is, of course, another alternative which the document successfully contrives to leave unmentioned. Admittedly, 'road' is a four-letter word."
"The railways themselves have no such old-fashioned inhibitions," I said_ "There is a British Rail advertisement here which says starkly: 'A complete motorway system would cost 250,000 acres of our countryside. 16,000 million pounds and could be complete in 43 years.' Fortunately, the announcement continues, 'there exists an alternative'."
" HE alternative, I suppose," said Cromwell, "is the incomplete motorway system which we have at the moment. It is more than a little altruistic of the railways to remind us of the fact at the same moment as Mr Peter Walker, Secretary for the Environment, has announced the next instalment of the inter-city roads programme in England."
"Perhaps the railways at least are showing their gratitude for the subsidies," I suggested, "unlike the Friends of the Earth and their own friends."
"I have looked a little more closely into their antecedents," said Cromwell. "The document sent to me describes Friends of the Earth as a group concerned with environmental and resource conservation. This would explain why they want to conserve the railways."
T HEIR attitude torVards the roads
might be different," I said., "The Ramblers' Association," Cromwell continued, "is said to be concerned in this context with the decline of public transport in the countryside. The document refers to 'public transport' as though it were synonymous with the railways. The bus and the coach are not mentioned, although they should be more useful to the rambler because he can get on or off where he likes instead of only at the railway station."
"The National Council on Inland Transport," I said, "would make sure that no more references than can be helped would be made to the virtues of roads and road transport, or even to their existence. It has never been known to have a kind word for them. It would be sure, like the railways themselves, to climb on the environment bandwagon and it must be pleased to find a few congenial companions already there."