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by Janus
ro heck with the cology badge
IT WAS an upset for Transport 000," said Maggie's brother :romwell, "to realise that it has mole in its organisation." "Perhaps it is only keeping up /Rh the fashion," I said, "if what ou say is true."
"No doubt about it," said :romwell. "You must have read at Transport 2000 director Nick ester turned up at the London )rry inquiry with a model ehicle several feet long."
"An effective gimmick as far s it went," I said.
"Good advertising as well if he picture in the paper is nything to go by," said Maggie. A year or so ago I would have leen tempted, but Charlotte is letting a little old for that sort of hung."
"And anyway, do you want re to lose my Ecology Badge?" aid Charlotte, "only three veeks after I won it?"
"I begin to understand your eference to a mole," I said. Somebody must have deceived 'ransport 2000 into thinking that he model lorry would have the ame effect on the public as the eal thing, instead of the other vay round."
"It was a mock-up that nisfired," said Cromwell. "Far ram receiving a round of Ipplause, poor Nick found all the lanel members with kids, and !specially the grandads, asking where they could get one for hemselves."
"Judging by the time of year," said, "they must have thought le was one of Father Christmas's representatives."
"The telephone lines at the Transport 2000 offices have never been so busy," said Cromwell.
"Some of the callers would have had a far from seasonable response," I said.
"On the contrary," said Cromwell. "They were given a friendly welcome and another number to ring. You would expect a mole to know about such things as telephone tapping."
"The alternative numbers would have put them in touch with the RHA or the FTA," I suggested.
"Neither," said Cromwell. "At the other end of the line they found the only organisation in a position to supply the model made to Armitage specifications. Of course, the firm went into production some time before the GLC meeting."
"Foreknowledge which seems to back up your theory about a mole in Transport 2000," I said.
"Certainly you seem to know a lot about it,said Maggie. "Too much for my suspicious mind."
"I merely thought it my patriotic duty," said Cromwell, "to stop in before the Japs collar the market."
"I can only hope you have a winner this time," said Maggie.
"So much so," said Cromwell, "there we are already planning to diversify. For example, we have one of these puzzle games, guaranteed to keep the players guessing well beyond the festive season. They have to make a pattern out of the proposals for the heavy lorry put forward by Armitage, the White Paper, the EEC Commission, the EEC Parliament, the Friends of the Earth and so on."
"Sound very much like the cube puzzle," I said.
"The only difference being," said Cromwell, "that one or two people have actually been known to solve that one."
"If you could find the solution to your own game," I said, "you would make even more money than your toy business."
"What else do you have on offer?" asked Maggie.
"As so often happens," said Cromwell, "our best seller is a cuddly toy. We have christened it Jugsy."
"Assuming you are keeping to the road transport theme," I said, "I suppose the name has something to do with the juggernaut."
"Its shape does bear some resemblance to a heavy lorry," said Cromwell. "Quite a close resemblance, as it happens. So you could be on the right lines."
"You are hoping," I said, "that thousands of children will be going to bed after Christmas all happily clutching their beloved Juggers."
"But nobody wants to cuddle up to a heavy lorry," said Maggie. "It's so noisy and dangerous and smelly."
"Most cuddly toys are based on something of that description," said Cromwell. "Look how many millions of Teddy bears have been loved by kids who would be well advised to make a run for it if they met a real live bear, at a picnic or not."
"You have done your psychology homework," I said.
"Just common sense," Said Cromwell. "Our tame psychologist uses much more fancy language to justify financial support from the road haulage lobby." "In plainer language, how does he do that?" I asked.
"He points out that the Teddy bear addicts, although they might not want to get too close to the real thing, tend to become fonder of it than of other animals when it is at a safe distance."
"So that children who have affection for Jugsy," I said, "will transfer at least some affection to the full-size juggernaut."
"We are hoping," said Cromwell, "that the point will also be appreciated by the associations and the vehicle manufacturers."
"Is there any other attraction apart from being cuddly?" asked Maggie.
"On the de luxe version," said Cromwell, "we have a pressbutton gadget which produces a noise just like a badly maintained diesel starting up on a very cold morning."
"Not what I would call an attraction," said Maggie.
"For up-to-date youngsters, it is," said Cromwell. "Actually the sound is taken off a record with the label Wot the 'Ell Wat the Ell, by a group calling themselves the Latter-Day Wranglers."
"You mean," said Charlotte coldly, "the Motorway Stranglers and the title is Decibels for Daisy Bell."
"Near enough," said Cromwell. "They don't make records like they used to. You can't even hear the words properly."
"You have not convinced me," said Maggie. "But I have to admit that Charlotte has suddenly become interested. In other circumstances, I might even have given the matter some serious thought. But as it is, of course "Oh to heck with the Ecology Badge," said Charlotte.