1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
34
35
36
37
38
39
40
41
42
43
44
45
46
47
48
49
50
51
52
53
54
55
56
57
58
59
60
61
62
63
64
65
66
67
68
69
70
71
72
73
74
75
76
77
78
79
80
81
82
83
84
85
86
87
88
89
90
91
92
93
94
95
96
97
98
99
100
101
102
103
104
105
106
107
108
109
110
111
112
113
114
115
116
117
118
119
120
121
122
123
124
125
126
127
128
129
130
131
132
133
134
135
136
137
138
139
140
141
142
143
144
145
146
147
148
149
150
151
152
153
154
155
156
157
158
159
160
161
162
163
164
165
166
167
168
169
170
171
172
173
174
175
176
177
178
179
180
181
182
183
184
185
186
187
188
189
190
191
192
193
194
195
196
197
198
199
200
201
202 
On the margin
Page 12
If you've noticed an error in this article please click here to report it so we can fix it.
It's full of papal bull
'Meters nodik ace a good press release to keep our news hounds happy—and the following were, indeed, nothing like good press releases...
Like sardine-flavoured custard, On the Margin is often accused of not being in the best possible taste. There was that time with the Nazi quip at the German ambassador's reception; the Michael Jackson jokes; whistling Over the Rainbow at the Greenpeace fundraiser; and we'd better gloss over the events at the old peoples' home too.
But even in a bastion of poor taste such as this, we were a little surprised by an e-mail we received from those normally lovely people at TNT. Under the headline "TNT delivers the goods on time despite mass Papal turnout" the press release boasts about TNT's triumph over adversity as it battled crowds of soon-to-be mourners in Rome to make "13 vital deliveries". So what were these vital deliveries organs for a life-saving transplant? Food and drink for the thousands of pilgrims? Parts urgently required to keep the city's water supply functioning? Or perhaps it was a few shelves for some sports shops.
Yee, you guessed right. So on the one hand we have a earthshattering event like the imminent death of the pontiff and thousands of faithful Catholics keeping a vigil, while on the other we have the delivery of some shelves for purveyors of athletic shoes. Courage in adversity, indeed. We'll leave the press release to sum up: "Despite all the difficulties we were delighted to get the job done on time to everybody's satisfaction." God bless.
Whilst we're on the subject of heart-gladdening press releases, how about this missive from Frost & Sullivan ("a global growth consulting company", it says here)? Under the snappy headline: "Outsourcing of Internal Logistics Functions by Cost Conscious End Users to Sustain Overall Growth of European Warehousing Markets" there are at least a million paragraphs scattered with words like "3PL" and "automation" and what appears to be an obligatory use of the word "warehouse" every three lines. To take the helicopter view, it's always pleasing to see transport firms creating new lexical paradigms in a bid to stay on-message.
If anyone's sufficiently masochistic to want any more (although that sort of person is usually logged on elsewhere on the internet) then go to www.frost.com. You'll sleep well afterwards, we promise.