BIRDS EYE
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It's transport by mail order
HAVING been defeated by the mail, the Post Office wants to be allowed to sell tickets for nationalised transport services.
Because of a shortage of postal workers in Hertfordshire, a passenger wishing to book by National coach from Hertford to Newcastle upon Tyne would first be despatched by rail to St Austell. There he would be issued a coach ticket to Bath, where he would join passengers booked from Slough to Staines via Birmingham.
From Birmingham he would continue by coach to Liverpool, whence a Scouse post charter plane would fly him to Cambridge. From there local stage services via Colchester would deliver him to the travel agent next door to Hertford post office.
The average time for the non-journey would be eight days, but payment of a premium fare could reduce it to seven. days.
At Victoria coach station I asked a woman passenger whether she would find it helpful to be able to book a coach seat at the post office. "What," she retorted, "stand in a queue for two days and then have 'post early for Christmas' stamped on my pink form?"
A NEW AA book lists 999 places to eat for about £5. They may be a trifle downmarket for £7000-a-year lorry drivers but diners are at least assured that 999 is not the number that they have to dial for an ambulance.