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Attacking the government is, on the whole, like shooting fish in a barrel—
Page 22
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it's just too easy a target to hit. So with that in mind some thoughts on transport secretary Alistair Daring's speech at the Freight Transport Association's annual dinner. First off, he does a good line in jokes does the dark-eyebrowed one. OK, so were not talking as funny as after-dinner speaker Jimmy Tarbuck (i10,000 well spent we hear) but, compared to the efforts of Stephen Timms the previous year he had 'em rolling in the aisles. However, turning to the main body of the speech, the first Darling; A man line of which reads: "There are just three things I want to say with the to you tonight." And then of course every paragraph is num enviable bered, one to er... 34.
ability to And elsewhere in the speech the erstwhile transport count from minister says: "Our strategy also has to include making one to 34 in better use of the road and rail network. Making journey just three times more reliable, tackling causes of delay on the road steps.., network... It's not always easy but it's sensible road man agement that will make a real difference to journey times and congestion." The response to which comes from one FA member: "Utilising road space more effectively, we know what that means... no extra (expletive deleted) money."
This is the same tanker operator who proclaimed later: "Haulage is not a monogamous industry." Presumably meaning it's a series of grubby affairs, each doomed to end in failure, recrimination and throwing plates at the other party. A view confirmed days later by John Hawksworth at Widdowson Group who describes hauliers in that pre-Christmas rush as "acting like a bunch of prostitutes". Lovely image, hmmm? Also at the ETA's knees-up we think we finally found the real reason for press spokesmen (sorry spokespeople)—as well as writing the speeches, organising the dinner and generally acting like the highperformance lubricant that makes the whole evening run like a well-tuned engine (which mainly seems to consist of feeding people wine) a press spokesman, such as the estimable Geoff Dossetter, has to be the first to lead the applause when his president has finished speaking. Good show old chap.