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NEWS from the NORTH! Doubt and uncertainty hang over the
Page 16
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Spagthorpe Motor Company this week like a dark cloud kill of pent-up natural fury and aggression waiting to hurl down a torrent of rainy woes on the coweri rig workforce,
The firm's largest vehicle supply contract, with The Oswaldtwistle Evervescent Syrup of Figs Co {by appointment to the gentry of Oslwaldtwistle), has been plunged into uncertainty following the news that it has called in the administrators. So far the firm has taken 50 modified SMC Inebriators with another moo due for delivery over the next year.
However, administrator Hayden Stonewall of accountants Leach Tick & Co refused to be drawn over the state of the company's finances: "To be quite honest we in the accounting profession do not talk to newspaper scribblers like yourselves," says Stonewall. "Nor
would we enter into idle speculation over the financial position of a company we hope to be rescuing from the precipice of financial oblivion. Now if you don't mind I've got some rather important documents to be shredding er... I mean, I must go through the firm's books with a fine-tooth comb."
A visibly shaken Sir Jos Spagthorpe, chairman and president for life of SMC, says: 'Oh bloody 'ell. Contract were meant to be the jewel in us crown. Now we'll have to wait six months before ['chit-fin' bean counters tell us that we can't have our money or come to us cap in 'and askin' for credit. "I'll show 'em what they can do with t' blasted credit facilities and their 'extended bloody payments' programme. Shut 'em down? Tha'll see no tears from me."
However, ashen-faced PR man Frank Chastity was heard to remind Sir Jos in a low voice that forcing the company under could also result in the untimely demise of S MC.
FLASH: A press statement From the Spagthorpe Motor Company and its accountants Leach Tick gr. Co reads: "SMC is delighted to announce that it will be extending the credit rating of The Oswaldtwisde Evervescent Syrup of Figs Co in a bid to help this valued client back on its feet."