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S will recall,the Master has not been the most reliable
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vehicle. Having been bought from a bloke in a field and driven 80 miles home, it decided to break down just short of its designated parking spot. Our friendly RAC man i jump-started the beast so it could be moved the final furlong.
Because the battery was flat, I assumed it wasn't receiving a charge, and after a little investigation I sorted a loose fan belt. However, the satisfaction of having resolved the problem caused this Sunday mechanic to forget to recharge the battery...
So to the day of the challenge, and Will Postman Pat' Shiers kindly offered to jumpstart the Master so it could be driven to the test track, recharging the battery in the process.
Now the Renault had to be shifted back a few metres so Will's Van Rouge could give it the kiss of life. But while Shiers was slowly rolling the Master down the hill it stopped unexpectedly. It soon became apparent that the open driver's door had hooked itself round a lamp post.
While this wasn't a tricky situation to get out of, it left the door about 50mm out of kilter, which our combined strength couldn't rectify. We called in the big guns —operations editor Colin Barnett and webmaster Toby Clark — to help bend the door more or less back to its original position, and the additional brute force did the trick.
Dead as a dodo
Jump-starting took a while, as the battery was completely dead and it was a cold morning, but we eventually got it going.
En route, the van seemed to be doing very well. Though the battery was not fully charged, the dash warning light went off as soon as the revs built up. indicating that the charging system was doing its stuff and all was well.
Until, that is, it died suddenly and without the previous warning signs, at a bus stop.
Barnett got out the rope and attached the mobile skip to our Nissan Navara support vehicle. The final two miles to the track were slow and relatively uneventful, but the van got there in the end, albeit on the end of a rope.
Once at the track the other competitors had to hang about while the Renault was treated to another jump-start session, but after a while it was ready to join the others in the contest.
Following some timed laps our bargain-basement vans moved onto a 0-50mph acceleration trial.Truth be told the Renault did not set any records —in fact, it had trouble wheezing up to 50mph before running out of runway.
Don't stop that engine!
During breaks, the other vans were parked and left to rest, but the Master had to sit there ticking over and causing another couple of millimetres of ozone to disappear. Just as I thought things couldn't get much worse, a thin, brown liquid started leaking out of the engine bay at quite a rapid rate— did it have a vindaloo the night before?). It was coolant — how annoying. As dehydration can be very dangerous. the engine had to be cut so we could top up the fluid.
Another jump start was needed before it could compete in the handbrake, noise and 'handling' tests... or possibly not.The van's problem was more that just a flat battery. because charging it had no effect whatsoever. As Colin's Vauxhall happened to have a bullbar it was used to push the Renault into life instead. As with most of the other tests, it did poorly on the noise and handbrake challenges which put us in the right -mood La inflict some judicious punishment.
As we all know, an empty circle of asphalt is good for only one thing doughnuts.Will and Colin did some stunning displays with their rear-wheel-drive machines producing an impressive amount of tyre smoke.
The front-wheel-drive Renault is not cut out for such antics, hut it was a sight at full lock screeching round in circles. Mind you,it was the only van in the challenge to doughnut on only three of its wheels, though of course that couldn't be seen from the sloping cab.
Clearly, getti ria to the bottom of this van's electrical problem and fixing it would not he worthwhile, so its fate was sealed.With its last wheezing breath the Master limped a couple of miles to its final destination the scrapyard.
We were under the impression that you had to pay to have vehicles scrapped, but scrap prices have clearly risen because the friendly man down at the scrappy forked out £20 for the heap and I wasn't sorry to see it go. Ve../(141-e-past couple of months, I've grown rather fond of the 1993 Leyland Oaf 200-Series--all £399-worth of it. It's proved to be 100% reliable, always starting first time and never letting me down. It was a two-previous-owner van and has been well maintained and, although the bodywork has sieve-like qualities, the engine and box are pretty good. When I bought the Oaf, the original eBay advert emphasised that the current owner wasn't a smoker, which was great news, as it meant that the torn and badly soiled seats wouldn't have any unsightly cigarette burns on them! So the driver wasn't a smoker but the van certainly was (I'm confident the white cloud which follows it around was directly responsible for the mild winter). The only other slight problem is a dodgy wheel bearing, which results in an aircraft-like drone at speeds above 50mph. It sounds to me like the Memphis Belle... after it had been peppered with bullets.
Since we were allowed to spend up to £600, I had 200 quid left over to enhance my van's resale value. Having originally toyed with painting it black, but leaving a red line around the side and over the rear of the roof. I thought I would call it the B-Team' van. However, I was put off this idea when it occurred to me that the general public might not get the joke, making me look like a bit (more Ed) of an idiot.
• -1,7, Instead, I invested a few quid in a bottle of T-Cut and got to work restoring the faded paintwork back to the original Royal Mail red. The transformation was incredible-talk about a (proto-) diamond in the rough. But T-Cutting an entire van is a timeconsuming business and I lost interest half way though the task. Instead I sourced two of the brashest, chavviest plastic chrome hubcaps I could find for the van's good side, and my Leyland Daf was ready to compete, having Costa total of £437.
As the test day dawned, I believed I was the underdog. After all, what challenges could possibly see a 2.2-tonne Leyland Daf beat