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Transportonics anonymous
Page 31
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"Sir Arthur must sometimes feel like the sorcerer's apprentice. . . He has started something he does not know how to stop"
ONE of the Press so far,d Maggie's brother CromII, has reported the dence to the Armitage Inry from the John Frumm
'I thought he was only a folk o in the New Hebrides," 1 J. "John Frumm America, was scheduled to bring all goodies to the natives by ie miraculous means.
"John Frumm is alive and I and living in Britain," said .mwell. "Your rather crude sion of his cargo cult, of irse, would go down better in South Seas then before the wry."
'You must have made a Islation more acceptable to Arthur,'" I said.
'The Society's evidence,' I Cromwell, "begins with the nt that the Inquiry ought to icentrate its attention on the 'fic that has to be carried .ier than on the vehicles." 'In other words,I said, "it time for a bit of lateral 'People need the goods, Cromwell, -They need the .y like a hole in the head. )re must often be a better ans of getting what is Tted.'
'Every environmentalist -th his salt has been dinning ; into poor Sir Arthur's ears itinually since the Inquiry bet,' I said. "your Society is really breaking fresh und.
'As 1 explained,'' said Crom1, "this is only the starting nt. Having established the iciple, it is time to get down )ersonalities."' 'Those chiefly involved.' I i, "must be the haulier and
transport manager. The flier is past redemption, a /it in human — or some .1 Id say sub-human — shape, transport manager who s him up from the nether ions is the guilty party.You are on the right tack,'" said Cromwell, -although the morality is old-fashioned. In this sociological age we no longer speak of guilt. The transport manager is a sick man, and we have to find the appropriate treatment."
-Which the John Frumm Society no doubt already has on the market," I said.
"The hope is that the Inquiry will adopt the proposed cure and recommend it to the Government," said Cromwell. "It will, of course, require an initial modest injection of public funds."
"Perhaps the Road Transport Industry Training Board will oblige," I said.
"The Society has had rather a cold reception from that quarter,said Cromwell. "The Board senses that, if the treatment is too successful, there will no longer be an industry from which to collect a levy."
"Alternatively, the Board may have regarded the treatment as too unorthodox," I said.
"You will be disappointed to hear,said Cromwell, "that it follows what are now almost traditional lines. The Society's plan is to set up an organisation to be known as Transportolics Anonymous, or TA.
-There are certainly precedents for that," I said.
"The TA consultant," said Cromwell, "must first convince his transport-manager patient that he is suffering from a disease, the symptom of which is a compulsion to rely on road transport rather than faith or hope."
"After which:" I said, -you have to persuade him that he needs your help in getting rid of the addiction."
-In the early stages,'' said Cromwell, "we try to wean him from the hard stuff onto acceptable substitutes such as the railways, or the canals, or even packhorses."
"If, in the process, he gets hooked on one or other or all of these,I said, "so much the better."
"The temptation to relapse is strong, insidious and recurring, as with every addiction," said Cromwell. "We have to set up a network of counsellors, available at all times of the day and night. In due course, they will be substituted or reinforced by people who have already been through the treatment and, it is hoped, are cured."
"Although," I said, -on the basis of similar organisations,
there is no absolute cure. Even the slightest taste can bring the old craving back in full vigour."
"That is the reason for the back-up service," said Cromwell. "To some pathetic people, the arrival of a lorry is as welcome as opening time. They need help to resist the inclination. As they lift the telephone to ring their favourite haulier, they see on a large card in front of them the number of their counsellor who is prepared to argue with them, for hours if need be, if in the end he can talk them out of it.
"All very meritorious." I said, "but the cargo cult has not yet had any success, even in the New Hebrides. Is there any evidence that it would do better here?"
"You have not been keeping your eyes open," said Cromwell. "How do you think the RTITB has survived and prospered all this time? John Frumm has fixed it. All the Board has to do is sit tight in Empire Way and the goodies come flooding in."
"I must admit," I said, "that it appears to look that way to hauliers. They have even been grumbling to the Government about it.
"The most subtle ploy of the John Frumm Society,said Cromwell, -has operated on poor Sir Arthur himself. With the help of only a few prayers,
his Inquiry has been showered with an unceasing flow of letters
and memoranda. All this magic without even the help of a signed photograph of the Duke of Edinburgh.
-Sir Arthur must sometimes feel like the sorcerer's appren tice,I said. "He started something he does not know how to stop.'' "All he needs to do,said Cromwell, "is apply, through me, to the John Frumm Society.