OUR WONDERFUL WAR.
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An Epic on " Commandeering " of Premises, Not Entirely Devoid of Truth.
IT WA 6 ONLY the question of a word. One word, that is all. Yet, as evidence of how little things . such as a word go to make history, consider isTero's "Fiddledee! " when they told him Rome was, burning. Napoleon's one word, ",Marchez I" on his Moscow trip lost hire most of his army and subsequently his throne.
The incident here related will show that the importance of single words, even in this colossal campaign, has not escaped the attention of our great War Departmental organizations, now busy creating cold perspiration amongst tile Central Powers.
The word in question was "commandeered." .
Piqued at the loss of a promising business, based on the provision of service to three large local fleets of vans, Edgar Jones, manager of the Oily Rag Garage, Peckham, had had it painted on a 10 ft. by 5 ft. sign, notifying that his premises had been " come mandeered" by the Government and that chance clients could still be told they would have no petrol if they called. at a temporary address some few streets away.
The officer in charge of the Oily Rag Garage, now transformed, into a polish manufactory for staff officers' tin hats, demanded the instant erasion of the word "commandeered," and a long and desultory eorrespondence ensued. .
The twentieth letter on the subject complained that . the-word ''' -commandeered " was not 'English.
The thirty-third letter pointed out the reason why it was not English : the word did not appear in any dictionary.
The forty-fifth, letter referred to its origin ; a mongrel word coined in the South Afriean War. To this Mr. Edgar Jones replied in the forty-sixth letter that he did not care where it was coined or how, but in his opinion it aptly expressed the act of the Government in relation to the loss of his premises.
The officer, little daunted, knowing that an Empire's fate depended on the faithful discharge of his duty, replied to the effect that " commandeered " indicated "harsh treatment" and that the only harsh treatment the Government was guilty of was that which was now being 'served to the Germans on the Western Front by his friend Sir Douglas Haig.
Letters forty-seven to fifty-eight (the latter by Mr. Edgar Jones) attempted to justify, the impression, on his mind that to have a good going garage businees suddenly shut down and forced to re-open in less con venient premises savoured as near "harsh treatment" as "Damn it!" is to swearing, To which our splendid official mind responded with a barrage of typewriting which drove Jones's arguments entirely to cover, finishing with the 'following:— "We will, in consideration of the circumstances, eencede thus far, but no further :—In nia,ee of the word commandeered,' which we have erased from the sign, we will insert the words Compulsorily acquired.'" At this stage Mr. Edgar Jones purchased a new typewriter, and pursued the question as to which expression—" commandeered" or "compulsorily, acquired "—savoured most af harsh treatment.
Official letters sixty-two to eighty-seven carried the matter forward to a logical conclusion. , " Commandeered " not being English, nor an ally, was considered an alien enemy, and would have, co be interned for the period of the war. "Compulsorily acquired" was the only suitable official equivalent in stock. The strong and inflexible attitude of our Government Departments prevailed. Jones capitu-* lated and agreed' to the compromise. Would the Governmentpaint in the words "Compulsorily acquired," or would Mr. Jones g The next official document received by the manager of the Oily Rag Garage was to the effect that, as the Government had erased the word "commandeered," the Government would graciously paint in the mutually agreed upon words "Compulsorily acquired."
RI the expiry of three weeks the gaping space on which the word" commandeered" once appeared was still vacant, and this roused Jones to a final effort, after which his typewriter was sent away for repairs. No letterS from official quarters-, however, came in reply to his complainTs, but one. afternoon a redtabbed officer burst in upon the unsuspecting Jones.
"I have called with regard to your notice board at the Oily Rag Garage," said the officeie swiitting with his cane at an imaginary fly on his highly polished leggings. .
"Yes, sir," said the expectant Jones.
" Will you sign this receia for painting in the words 'Compulsorily acquired'?" asked the tin hat. "Has the sign been altered?" queried Jones.
"No, sir, the alteration has not yet been made," said the tin hat with due severity.
"But why must I sign a receipt before the work is done ?" asked the garage manager.
"Because it's a way we have in the Army," replied the officer, _clanking his spnrseimpressively. "It's three weeks now since you said this alteration would be made," petulantly muttered Jones, as he signed the document. "Arc you aware, sir," retorted the officer, ** that there is a war on?"
"No," " said Jones, fixing his eye on the accumulation of official correspondence. "No one would have thought so!"
But the uncalled-for satire was lost on the official, who collected his receipt and strode indignantly from the scene. • Jones is now -seeking the best market price for waste-paper. F. P**e.