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By our Northern Correspondent Eric Strongitharrn, Oswaldtwistle.
Page 26
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With a throaty roar of V8 power, the new offering from the Spagthorpe Motor Company, the north's premier heavy truck manufacturer, rolled out of the hallowed Ironworks factory to a palpable intake of breath from the assembled journalists on 1 April.
The SMC Coleopteralready nicknamed the Dung Beetle by industry wags—is set to take the ultra-competitive inter-urban, multi-drop, mini-modal, random-buzzword market by storm, according to SMC chairman and president for life Sir Jos Spagthorpe. A cheerful Sir Jos, describing himself as "cook a'hoop, over t'moon and full o'beans" at the firm's new arrival, predicts great things from the Coleopter.
He claims the Coleopter, which uniquely combines a 58ohp turbo-diesel with a conventional light van chassis, can make huge savings by getting to its destination faster than any other vehicle of a similar type. He adds that if an operator wants to make real savings then running it on hydrogen will reduce his fuel bills to almost zero.
"You see, t'bigger t'engine t'faster you get there," he points out. "And if you get there quicker then tha' avoids all t'other vehicles ont' road and don't get stuck int' traffic. It's logical, ain't it?
"And as for t'hydrogen, well it's all around us so it can't be that 'ard to use. And I read int' trade press that a major organisation int' motor trade is plannili to put hydrogen through regular gas infrastructure so we can all gerrit cheap and easy. It's amazin' what science can do these days." FLASH: Operators eager to get their hands on the new SMC Coleopter will be severely disappointed after Oswaldtwistle firm revealed that its launch was, in fact, an elaborate April Fool's hoax.
A gloating Sir Jos says: "That'll teach you bunch of shandy drinkin' southern press jessies to tek t'mickey out of us in future."