1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
34
35
36
37
38
39
40
41
42
43
44
45
46
47
48
49
50
51
52
53
54
55
56
57
58
59
60
61
62
63
64
65
66
67
68
69
70
71
72
73
74
75
76
77
78
79
80
81
82
83
84
85
86
87
88
89
90
91
92
93
94
95
96
97
98
99
100
101
102
103
104
105
106
107
108
109
110
111
112
113
114
115
116
117
118
119
120
121
122
123
124
125
126
127
128
129
130
131
132
133
134
135
136
137
138
139
140
141
142
143
144 
Do you have any titbits of industry gossip? if so,
Page 24
If you've noticed an error in this article please click here to report it so we can fix it.
please contact Backfire, Commercial Motor, Rm 11203, Quadrant House, The Quadrant, Sutton, Surrey sm2 5A5, or fax 020 8652 8969. Alternatively you can e-mail brian.weatherley*rbi.co.uk.
By our Northern Correspondent, Eric Strongitharm, Oswaldtwistle.
Shown below in a photograph taken at the Stoat Works, top-secret experimental engineering centre of the Spagthorpe Motor Company, is the prototype of the Chameleon, latest brainchild of Chairman and President for Life Sir Jos Spagthorpe, The chassis-cab unit, based on SMC's world-famous Vegetative combined flatbed wagon and market garden with the market garden removed, was caught on camera being driven out of the loading bay of the high-security facility by none other than Sir Jos himself, on his way to a nearby ride-and-drive event to launch the vehicle to Her Majesty's commercial vehicle press. (Hurrah!) At the event, Sir Jos was challenged, over a plateful of rich pork-and-dripping canapes, to explain some of the rather "back-to-basics" design, in particular the highly unconventional open-air cab.
"Saves on brass, don'it?" spat Sir Jos succinctly, neatly covering a nearby journalist in half-masticated dripping and brown ale. "Wsides, why go to all ebother of designing a cab when t'bloody thing's missing its body anywhays?" he further blurted, forcing a second listener to bolt for the dry cleaners.
Challenged by a trembling junior as to just how he thought this might go down with customers, Sir los was characteristically blunt. "I don't give a brass farthin'. I'm sick to t'back teeth of 'em whingeing about cab design—so let 'em dozy sods put it together thesselves!"
And pushed to comment on S MC's trend-bucking approach to driver comfort, Sir Jos was equally unrepentant: "It don't do to molly-coddle t'bloody sods, tha' knows—that's why we replaced old 'orsehair-padded driver's seat wi a right sharp stick. it'll do a grand job of 'elping them lazy buggers wake up of a morning..." FLASH: SMC Chairman and President For Life Sir Jos Spagthorpe has been admitted to hospital complaining of rectal pain following what he told nurses was a "reet gut-wrenchin" zo-mile fuel run in the firm's latest vehicle. Sir Jos was heard to blame his condition loudly on the state of the the nation's roads. Congratulations to Gist, formerly known as BOO Distribution, for what was possibly the most blatant attempt to hide a distinct lack of exciting news within a seasonal press release, In it Gist promised that in the run-up to Christmas it would be delivering some 28 million mince pies, which, it handily informed us, would be enough to stretch from one end of the country to the other.
Not content with bombarding us with this fascinating statistic, it added that Vail the Christmas puddings its trucks carried were piled end on end they would reach the height of 139 Canary Wharf towers. Again, perhaps one of the most important developments in haulage for a long time.
However, it seems that the inspiration (or the Christmas sherry) ran out when they got to Christmas cakes. No mention of how far across the Channel they'd stretch or whether they'd fill the Albert Hall 313 times...all we were told was that they'd make Santa "very fat indeed". Mmmmm...
Fresh from our 'couldn't make it up' desk comes the tale of a high-speed car chase tearing along country roads at speeds of up to 80mph with helicopters and cars from two police forces in hot pursuit.
However, all is not as it seems. Rather than some Turbo CTI souped-up racing machine, the car being hounded down by the rozzers was in fact Del Boy's favourite—a three-wheeled Reliant Robin.
The chase started when a thief attempted to remove some charity money boxes from a little Chef at Winterslow, Wiltshire. He then 'borrowed' the three-wheeler to make good his escape (not the brightest bulb in the pack, we'd say).
Obviously, he scarcely expected lobe pushing the Robin's design limits to breaking point by tearing along roads in Wiltshire and Dorset with traffic police in hot pursuit.
He gave up after half an hour, but not before racing along at 80mph, shooting red lights, heading the wrong way around a roundabout and then straddling the centre of a dual carriageway.
Only in the West Country...