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By our Northern Correspondent Eric Strongitharm Oswaldtwistie.
Page 20
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Spooky goings on at Oswaldtwistle last week have prompted Sir Jos Spagthorpe, chairman and president for life of the Spagthorpe Motor Company, into considering improving conditions for his workers.
Reputable sources close to the firm say the boss received what can only be described as some kind o' visitation" from supernatural powers on a misty Hallowe'en night. Since then he has ordered the construction of the all-new Ecumenical fire-escape truck, with its purpose-built Stairway to Heaven ladder, in a bid to get closer to his maker.
Details are sketchy, but it appears that Sir Jos had visits from three different spirits. The first apparition, dressed in a flat cap and blue boiler suit, introduced himself as The Ghost of Trades Unions past. The second, The Ghost of Health and Safety Present, was dressed in a glowing orange vest.
But the third visitor was the most disturbing. In his Versace suit and damnably sexy French accent, the Ghost of Brussels future took Sir Jos to his Judgement Day. Here a mob of unwashed workers left him penniless on the marble steps of a vast court of justice.
Ashen-faced PR man Frank Chastity is playing down the story. He says: "No bugger is goin' t'believe this if y'print it. Sir Jos don't believe in bloody nonsense like ghosties and ghoulies."
He added: "T' Ecumenical has plenty o' practical purposes—it has a ladder for gettin' people out a tight spot and it's bein' tested by Sir Jos personally."
FLASH: Tucking into their free teacakes and full of chatter about the new pay rises and the forthcoming paid staff day outing to Blackpool, Spagthorpe workers got short shrift last week.