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By our Northern Correspondent Eric Strongithann Oswaldtwistle.

7th June 2001, Page 18
7th June 2001
Page 18
Page 18, 7th June 2001 — By our Northern Correspondent Eric Strongithann Oswaldtwistle.
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Which of the following most accurately describes the problem?

Production workers at the legendary Iron Works, home of Spagthorpe Motor Company, are demanding new working practices in line with the European Working Time Directive. Last night a delegation from the Amalgamated Union of Fettlers, Nibbers and Idlers, led by shop steward Arthur "Uncle Joe" Ballpeen, met with a highpowered management delegation including chairman Sir Jos Spagthorpe, HR director Arthur Crippen and senior production manager J Barrington Blackhart.

Hourly paid staff are demanding more time off for ukelele band practice; the ban on keeping fancy rats in the reception area to be rescinded; Monday night whippet racing to return to the company test track; pin-ups of Mata Hari to be allowed again on the company notice board; and the return of the missing doors from the ablutions block next to engineering.

An uncompromising Sir Jos told this reporter: -To hell with these fripperies. I'm prepared to move on the rats—as long as they're cleaned out once a fortnight—but there's no way a modern, forward-looking company like Spagthorpe will return to the dark days of industrial relations. By the way, yer'all sacked!"

FLASH: Workers have voted to return to work at S MC following a "generous" settlement from the company following the threat of 743 claims for unfair dismissal. Sir Jos Spagthorpe was unavailable for comment.


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