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Jottings of Jock

6th April 1940, Page 39
6th April 1940
Page 39
Page 39, 6th April 1940 — Jottings of Jock
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Which of the following most accurately describes the problem?

DERE FELLOW KNIGHTS OF THE ROAD, Sum of them sturdily constructed drivers what is specially designed for service under the most arduous conditions, being full of patriotism and 3X. have voluntarily decided to give up their dart tournament at the " Carrier's Arms" on Sunday mornings in order to devote their surplus power and inbuilt stamina to the successful prosecution of a allotment club, and have accordingly hereinafter conjoined themselves together in order to garner in the harvest and sort of encourage the Minister of Supply and/or Agriculture and Fisheries.

TECHNICAL REPORT Ole Fred, what have inspected the results after the third Sunday morning on site ses that as far as he can see (its very cloudy here to-day—square 4) the allotment club will do more hArm to the land of his fathers, home of the free, etc„ than it will to the purple enemy.

SUPPLEMENTARY Ole Fred's report adds, however. that he has the greatest pleasure in awarding a large size class one reliability certificate for the tool-house cum seed-shed cum club-house with appurtenances and all abuttments thereto what Young Ginger have erected on the north-west sector of the plot.

Ole Fred ses that after carrying out gruelling tests under actual service conditions with full load, he can confirm that he ain't never seed a allotment hut what is more comfortable for a quiet game of banker or short-range darts. He ses he was also struck (on the shin) by them two 6-bottle crates just inside the door, and he adds, with delightful sang froid, he don't regret the bruise because it drew his attention to the possibilities within the hut.

BI OGRAFICAL NOTE Ole Fred is considered the greatest authority in the yard on the question of allotments, because he once took first prize at a agricultural show with a extra heavy duty marrer what, he ses, had to be fitted with underslung sub-frame and a sturdy helper spring.

Fred attributes his success to the fact that he used to sacrifice hisself for the sake of the marrer when it was young by going out on very frosty nights and covering it up with the iderdown what he took of his missis' bed. He ses it was the same marrer what his missis give to the local harvest festival an the new curate, what was a bit short sighted christened it.

INTERJECTION Old Joe ses he can beat Fred's record because he once took the first, second and third prizes from a agricultural show—when they was loaded onto his truck in error for tea urns.

ALLOTMENT—STOP PRESS Ted 011iphant has had his parsnips bitten orf by the frost.

PEACE OFFENSIVE

Old Joe ses that its all bolonie a bo ut things going to be better when this war is over. He ses that only this morning his missis received a letter from her mother saying as how the old gal was coming over to spend a few week's at Joe's house directly peace Was signed.

Old Joe ses that, if things is going to be so • much better after we have beat up the enemy, perhaps the whole blinking Cabinet, together with Mr. Summerwells as referee, would like to be present in order to impose a greater spirit of tolerance and good will in Old Joe's domicile.

He further ses that if the Government

can guarantee a lasting peace between the boys in the yard and them perishing meat carriers up the street, including their 3i-ton X-eyed foreman, they will qualify with honours for the job of using their high pressure peace gun in other people's countries. An he wishes them the best of luck.

A.R.P. Official: " We want a driver what knows instinctively what to do in any situation.'

Applicant: "That's me number, boss. Wasn't I born in an emergency hospital? "

NEWS FOR DRIVERS. WHAT'S OVERSEAS

Filling cigarette lighters out of the firm's petrol aint possible no more. In fact, several loyal drivers have bin•seed to empty their petrol lighters into the firm's supplementary ration.

Chelsea still lose at home.

There is still to be had a suitable grade for every type of thirst, sold in the clean, convenient way in sealed glass bottles, quarts and pints.

Them drivers what don't get no joy out of washing the van, now pretend that they got a camoflarged body.

Them Road Traffic Records aint so important nowadays. Nobody ever gits enuf petrol to work the driver more than the statutory hours.

Spring is late this year. There aint one bathing girl poster on the hoardings up to now.

The stove at the Kosy Kabin went out in February owing to the coal shortage but nobody hasn't noticed it yet.

FASHION NOTES "How many miles do you get to the gallon," has now give way to the question, "How many gallons do you get to the coupon? "

DEFENCE REGULATIONS Them gas masks come in useful when you have to make a delivery to a glue factory.

GAZETTED I

For the duration of the war all donkey engines will rank as one horse power, as from September 1.

VERY TASTY—VERY SWEET Nuffin like a smart new truck with a nice daily contract, with 15 gallons of the real stuff in the petrol tank, and another 60 gallons reserve behind the garage—very tasty, very sweet—makes yer fink don't it?

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