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Yorkshire-based Controlled Demolition Group has flattened the competition to win
Page 22
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a national Health and Safety Award. However, the group obviously wasn't too keen on either its prize or the cause. To celebrate its high-rise success it draped two Sheffield tower blocks with huge banners promoting European Week for Health and Safety...and promptly blew them up.
Jess, a German Shepherd dog. found puppy love in a Volkswagen Caddy when she decided to use it as a delivery room. The police dog working with Kent Police gave birth to six PUPPIES in the back of the van en route to the vet, where she produced five more. "This was her first litter and given the history of her blood line we certainly didn't expect to have so many puppies,' says PC Mel Brown. "The Volkswagen Caddy was acquired for me as breeding manager, but I never thought any puppies would actually be born in it. I suppose you could say that you really do get more out of a Caddy!"
CM has received a number of responses in its quest for the true meaning of the word logistics; two from erstwhile staffers. Contender 1, former technical editor Bill Brock informs us that in his dictionary, logistics is actually defined as the "Art of Moving". Contender 2, ex-CMwriter David Lowe.
writes that his new Dictionary of Transport and Logistics (published by Kogan Page) may hold the answer as it contains definitions for more than 3,000 terms. Our compliments to Lowe, by the way, on winning the Worshipful Company of Carmen's Herbert Crow Memorial medal in recognition of 30 years' writing about transport. If anyone else has a definition of logistics to share with us send them in to the usual address.
By our Northern Correspondent
Eric Strongitharm Oswaldtwistle.
Spring has opened her until recently tightlypursed lips and yawned all her grey, miserable glory over the people of Oswaldtwistle. Like bleary-eyed things that normally don't see much light, the townsfolk have stared up in awe at the previously bleak, smog-choked skies and wondered at how nature in all its majesty can turn the dark grey to a magnificent lighter shade of grey with hints of brown.
All of which can mean only one thing: the annual spring outing for the workers at Oswaldtwistle's premier industrial leviathan, the Spagthorpe Motor Company. Transport for the. highlight of the spring social calendar is provided by the Spagthorpe Motor Transport Co (Prop: the Hon Nigel Spagthorpe) a local bus company with a safety record reputed to be second to none, according to the Hon Nigel Spagthorpe. Several rumours of near-misses and slipshod safety checks remain unproven and there is a curious absence of reliable witnesses.
Despite the cloud of speculation an ebullient Sir Jos Spagthorpe, chairman and president for life of the SMC, declared his complete faith in SMT. A windswept Sir Jos, addressing his workforce from the top of Slaidburn Moor, says: "I know it's our lad's bus firm and you all say that he couldn't make a watch run on time but I believe 'is entrepreneurial spiri t'll shine through. Oo cares abaht a few loose bits and bobs here and there? Transport ministry is too bloody keen in my book! If it weren't for them then we'd 'ave more SMC wagons ont' road an' all. Anyroad, t'ardest part of fjourney is uppards. Ilia' doesn't need a motor to get dahn t'hill."
FLASH: A "substantial number" of workers from the Spagthorpe Motor Company have been taken to the Lady of the Blessed Pancreas hospital in nearby Barnoldswick after a bus belonging to the Spagthorpe Motor Transport Co inexplicably ended up in a river after failing to negotiate a bend. No trace can be found of the Hon Nigel Spagthorpe.