Metric Santa Claus
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Jingle bells, decibels. Continental runs; All we want from Santa Claus is 40 metric tons
"That must be the group known as the Lorry Waits, ' said Maggie's brother Cromwell.
"No! it's the punk rock Xmas Pistols," said Charlotte.
"Father Christmas is being prosecuted for putting too much on his sledge." said Maggie. "They are collecting for his legal defence."
"A name like that will get them more publicity,'" I said.
"It is appropriate for another reason,said Cromwell. "Anybody who even mentions 40 tonnes in public runs the risk of being prosecuted anyway, this time for obscenity. Discussion of the subject must be restricted to assenting operators in strict confidence."
"If Mr John Tyme has his way," I said, "motorways also will soon be another itern on the pornographic index."
"In Charlotte's school, they have just put up a shrine for him, next to the Zen Buddah's," said Maggie.
"Our environment teacher, Miss Virgo, fancies him rotten," said Charlotte.
"Miss Virgo, I expect," said Cromwell, "is hoping to persuade the authorities to plan a motorway near the school, so that she can organise her own protest."
"That was also supposed to be a secret,said Charlotte. "Who told you about it?"
"I find these things out," said Cromwell, "by following the teachings of Sir Harold Wilson.'" "You must be thinking of the infiltrators and subversionists he has spotted in the Labour Party," I said.
"Their activities in the antilorry lobby are a bit more involved," said Cromwell. "But you only have to ask yourself who would benefit."
"If John Tyme is a secret. agent, it must be of the environmentalists," I said.
"He could also be acting for the Department of Transport or the IMF," said Cromwell. "you know what they are trying to do."
"At present, to reduce public expenditure,I said.
"While attracting as little blame as possible," said
Cromwell. "When. the road programme has to, be cut, the
Government will be less popular if it can blame John Tyme and his friends instead of the money-lenders."
"It is certainly true,I said, "that the Ministry inspectors
have caved in readily at motor way inquiries; and Ministry inspectors are not usually willing to pass up on an argument. Sir Harold should look into this."
"He would uncover a lot more," said Cromwell. "He would find that the so-called anti-road activitists are really treble agents. Their real paymasters are the road. contractors.'"
"You mean that violence and disruption at public inquiries will in the end do the environmentalists more harm than good," I said.
"It is more a question of the appetite growing with what it feeds on," said Cromwell. If road building stopped, the .opposing lobby would have nothing about which to protest. Many of the supporters also would not be able to get to the inquiries without adequate roads. So that they are bound to pressure the Government into continuing to give them something to get their cars on and their teeth into."
"There are the carol singers again," said Maggie.
"Just as I was saying," said Cromwell. "They are the Winchester school glee-singers trying to build up something else they can complain about."
"Which means campaigning for lorry routes in the most unsuitable places," I said. "What a pity they should be hoodwinking poor Miss Virgo while she is worshipping at their shrine."
"There is more to the story," said Cromwell. "When large areas of the country are covered over in concrete it will be easier for hostile forces to land."
''So that the protesters may even be quadruple agents suborned by a foreign power," I said.
"Or by an alien civilisation from outer space," said Cromwell.
"Do please leave it there,said Maggie. "You have done your usual best to spoil our Christmas, as it is.'"