By our Northern Correspondent Eric Strongitharm Oswaldtwistle.
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A dark cloud hangs over the legendary Iron Works following the shock announcement that the Spagthorpe Motor Company's veteran parts manager, I Balfour Frit, is to retire. According to SMC insiders, Frit's sudden departure has plunged the Spagthorpe assembly ordering department into "a right state" as he alone possesses a unique, almost mystical knowledge of the Spagthorpe parts warehouse.
"Balfour's rot* one wit' any idea of what's in there," says veteran charge hand Walter Onledale, who paid a moving tribute to Frit's 52 years' service to the Iron Works: "I'll say one thing for Fl-it—he was bloody stubborn.
"Many's the time I've spotted a part on't shelf only to be told by Balfour that it wasn't there," he adds. "The daft beggar were always claiming 'If it ain't on't microfish it bloody well isn't there!' One time I managed to sneak past him and grab a part. But he pinned me down with an over legover toe-hold before prising it part out of me hand and putting it back on the shelf. He then accused me of 'planting it' in there."
Flash: Oswaldtwistle town councillors have rejected plans for a new tourist attraction called the Spagthorpe Catacombs (thought to be the SMC parts warehouse) as unhealthy , according to a spokesman.