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What's in a name?

22nd December 1984
Page 48
Page 48, 22nd December 1984 — What's in a name?
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Which of the following most accurately describes the problem?

USUALLY it's people like H. G. Wells and Leonardo da Vinci who are credited with the gift of accurate prophecy; with having calculated what sort of mechanical contrivances scientists would come up with in the centuries ahead.

but Mr Wells and Signor da Vinci weren't the only ones — not by a long wheelbase! Dozens of writers have correctly predicted developments In the world of road transport, even down to the makes of vehicle.

As today some were in favour — "This was the noblest Roman of them all", and some against — "Perfidious Albion!" Credits there to Shakespeare and Napoleon.

A line of Kipling's has puzzled historians. "Till he heard as the roar of the rain-fed Ford the roar of the Milky Way." Clearly, the reference to the Milky Way shows that this was written before the invention of the Yorkie bar, but what does Kipling mean by the "rainfed Ford"? My guess is that Kipling had deduced solar power, remembered British weather, and hoped that Dagenham would come up with something that could be powered by rain.

Another Ford was mentioned by Thomas a Kempis in the 15th century when he wrote the words, "Sic Transit gloria mundi". This is now believed to be a note left on a mechanic's bench telling him what to collect, from whom, and when, that is Sick Transit, Gloria, Monday.

A Bedford van is mentioned in another bit of Latin, "Per ardua ad Astra." This becomes clear when one remembers that Per Ardua is the transport manager of a Swedish express delivery company, and that it isn't Latin at all but simply an instruction to add an Astra to the fleet.

The Book of Genesis predicts contract hire for soap powder companies by saying "Fiat Lux".

One German manufacturer is mentioned at length, and we find its current money problems predicted. "MAN delights me not," said Hamlet. "MAN comes and tills the fields," observed Tennyson. Here, he may have spoonerised a reference to the financial directors, meaning in fact "MAN comes and feels the till." The results of their policies, according to Coleridge in The Ancient Mariner would leave them "A sadder and wiser MAN", but George Herbert proclained, "MAN is God's image."

This would explain why they've been using the same cab for as long as I can remember. With typical Scots determination the poet Burns ends discussion, declaring, "A MAN'S a MAN, for a' that." (As yet, no confirmation has been received for the theory that Robert Burns was simply Robert Browning in a heatwave.) But it's not just the lorries and vans that are presaged. Some trailers get the thumbsup. Shakespeare again: "Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this sun of York."

Even bits of trailers are mentioned by Isaac Hill Bromley in 1877 — "John A. Logan is the Head Centre, the Hub, the King Pin, the Main Spring ..." As soon as I find out who John A, Logan was, I'll let you know. Memory says he won the Eurovision Song Contest for Ireland a year or so ago.

Still on trailers, Milton may have overestimated their menace when he referred to "That small infantry, warred on by Cranes."

Careful re-reading of original manuscripts shows up other predictions which were almost lost as the result of typographical errors. For instance, the Bible was "way ahead of the tests in the Lorry Driver of the Year Contest, with its reference in the original version to "putting a Scammell through the eye of a needle".

William Douglas wrote the words for the lovely song Annie Laurie. Wrong! His original version was in praise of his Scania Lorry, and the error crept in at the typesetting stage, made by a young lad who was in love, and hadn't his mind on the job. Or perhaps he had.

There's more from Shakespeare. Macbeth is incorrectly reported as having had a vision of a knife before stabbing King Duncan. In fact, his vision was of the first JCB, and what he really said was, "Is this a digger which I see before me?" No doubt the machine was to dig Duncan's grave.

Mind you, Shakespeare couldn't have thought much of American lorries, or he'd never have named a character Mack Duff.

The originally chosen means of bumping off Julius Caesar was a hit and run job, hence, "I come to Berliet Caesar, not to praise him."

In The Merchant of Venice he finds favour with the pulling power of one make of German lorry — "The quality of Mercedes is not strained."

And a few more quickies from Leyland to finish with. Christopher Smart in the 18th century said, "Glorious the Comet's train." If Byron is to be believed, one Leyland should have been amphibious — "The mountains look on Marathon, and Marathon looks on the sea." The Book of Common Prayer speaks of "Lynx of iron". Well, "links", actually.

I'd better stop there. I have to go and pay my Buffalo Bill.

by Gordon W. Cook


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