Welcome to the latest addition to CM, a sideways look
Page 11
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at the road transport industry on telly, radio, papers and even t'interweb
You couldn't switch on a TV last week without coming across a documentary about trucking. The BBC were at it with Motorway Cops, one of those real-life action thingies encouraging people not to break the law that the Beeb probably has to show to keep the licence fee.
It starred PC Steve Rounds of the Central Motorway Police Group, whom our very own Lorry Crime Blogger Joanna Bourke describes as "lovely". The show saw Steve stopping a driver smacked off his tits on Tennant's Super. Lest anyone forget, each can is 9% (abv) and guaranteed to make any driver utterly paralytic behind the wheel of a 44t artic.
"This was a recipe for carnage," said Rounds, smelling the tramp's juice on the driver's breath. Frankly, it's the only recipe we've ever come across involving Tennant's Super. It's hardly a staple ingredient in Jamie's 30-Minute Meals.
More light-hearted was Eddie Stobart: Trucks, Trailers and Tinsel, a Christmas special for Channel Five. Stobart might feel the pressure to deliver to Tesco's on time, but clearly the production company behind the series has a very loose grasp of when Jesus' birthday actually takes place. Never mind, because Stobart was hindered by SNOW, which can only be shouted on the programme accompanied by dramatic music.
Driver Hughie managed to drive the length of the country, during the heaviest December SNOW on record without a scratch, but couldn't pull into a garden centre off the North Circular without driving over a bush. Hughie was almost like Moses, leading the Israelites out of Egypt and into Canaan. Except the bush wasn't burning... Christmas trees are nothing like Isrealites... and North London has never seen Canaan days.
• CV Burp will return in CM next week. If you see, hear or read anything, amusing or intriguing about the industry, email CV Burp at christopher.walton@rbi.co.uk