PIPE DREAM
Page 63
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FAIRY tales make their impact by means of a contrast between fancy and commonsense. Shipwrecked on the coast of Lilliput, Gulliver wakes up to find himself a prisoner of the little people. The practical shoemaker who has been unable to understand how his repairs got done by themselves during the night gazes in astonishment at
the phantom cobblers stitching away for dear life and no reward. The shrewd, down-to-earth haulier wonders what "normal user" he would propose for carrying Masefield's ivory, apes and peacocks, cedarwood, sandalwood and sweet white wine.
Seldom are the Transport Tribunal moved by a flight of fancy. They are sceptical towards anything they cannot understand. In a recent written decision reversing a grant by the Scottish Licensing Authority, they sum up in a few words the case put on behalf of McKelvie and Co., Ltd., Motherwell, and note in a matter-of-fact way the claim that there are "peculiarities " in the route that it was proposed should be taken by the four articulated vehicles for which an A licence was sought. Like Bottom, the weaver, the Tribunal seemed not to understand exactly how peculiar the circumstances were.
Pipes were the only traffic mentioned. They were to be carried from Motherwell to 131aenau Ffestiniog, over the hills and far away (about 280 miles as •the Tribunal note in their precise fashion). For the most part the decision speaks of "piping," almost as if even the Tribunal had been bewitched by distant music in harmony with the horns of Elfland faintly blowing.
The inevitable statistics momentarily shatter the illusion. The pipes (266 of them if you must know) were nearly all 30 ft. or more in length, with diameters up to 10 ft. 8 in.
and weights up to 17-f tons each. The Tribunal, in an offhand manner that possibly betrays .a lack of true con
viction, pass on the account they have been given of the reason for carrying all this ironmongery such a long way. At off-peak times when the generating plant at the Ffestiniog power station is not required for the public -supply of electricity, say the Tribunal, it can be used to pump water from a low level to a high level. ' By returning through water turbines to the lower level the water will then generate electricity at times of peak demand.
Playthings of Giants
That is how it may appear to the man without the gift of second sight. It is the kind of reassuring explanation one would hasten to attach to a fortuitous collection of . enormous pipes in a -mountain fastness of North Wales.
They may more easily be supposed playthings for a race of Welsh giants.
This interpretation fits in better with the rest of the story as told in the written decision. However desperately from their prosaic abode in London the Tribunal endeavour to shed the cold light of reason on the facts, they remain steeped in a Celtic twilight where the centuries blend and blur. As a narrative from the Mabinogion, the McKelvie case might well rank with the greatest folk-tales of all time. As a part of the official record of the Tribunal's deliberations it sits not very easily • between Appeal 1959 No. V.49 and Appeal 1959 No. V.52.
There is the puzzle of the 13-ft. bridge—and one may note in passing that the very number has a special significance to the adepts of magic and witchcraft. When first mentioned, the bridge was Said to be five miles from the site at Blaenau Ffestiniog. Later it is reported as "in the region of nine or 10 miles perhaps" and then as between nine and 15 miles, The moment arrives—familiar, one may almost say commonplace, to the addict of the ghost story—when a Witness' is handed an ordnance map of the district and cannot find the bridge marked upon it. On the other hand, the objectors found two 13-ft. bridges. "But," said the Tribunal, dropping into a mysterious tone possibly in spite of themselves, "neither was on a route which need be, or was or would normally be, taken by vehicles carrying the sort of loads with which we are concerned."
Try as they may, the Tribunal continually find themselves straying into the language of the fairy tale. The opening sentence of such a tale might well be found in the very words with which the Tribunal aimed to put a peremptory end to what they evidently regarded as a hopeless chase through Scotch mist and Welsh Amin. "Somewhere on some road in North Wales there was a• bridge which was only 13 ft. high." Nobody can read this without wishing to know how the story continues.
Shifts in Time
Even more baffling to the Tribunal were the mysterious shifts in time, which notoriously means nothing to the little folk, although for ordinary mortals there are 24 hours in a day, seven days in a week and 266 pipes in a pumped storage scheme. One sympathizes with the Tribunal: They were told that the timetable drawn up by the haulier provided for a round trip of five days from Motherwell to the site and back. Then they were told that a representative of the manufacturers, when cross-examined in the traffic court, insisted "and not without vehemence" that the piping was to be delivered 24 hours after it had been loaded. Equally confusing was the evidence that the contract would take between 12-14 months, whereas the Licensing Authority had granted an A licence for five years.
For a good part of their judgment the Tribunal mulled over the mysterious vagaries of time and space. Their questions gave them no answers that accorded with chronometers and almanacs, or with rod, pole or perch. They turned with obvious relief to the rude mechanicais from the Ivory Tower who had gone to such trouble to put on a show for the court. The British Transport Commission, who had previously quoted for the job, were able to put forward "evidence of an unusually massive character." It was presented by Mr. Johnstone, the out-of-gauge loading officer, Mr. Fleming, the district goods manager, Mr. Irving, of Pickfords, Mr. Griffiths, the commercial manager, Mr. Ingham, of the Western area, Mr. Dawson, the goods agent, and Mr. Mack, the traffic assistant. Only Peter Quince and Snug the joiner were missing.
The railways made their point and won the decision, which is now part of case law. Who ultimately carries out the job is another question: •he who pays the piper calls the tune. There may still be something of interest in the interminable typescript of •the proceedings in the traffic court. The Tribunal tell us (typically) that there were 244 typed pages of evidence for the applicant and 178 pages for the objectors. Much of the argument, concerned as it was with 13-ft. bridges that may or may not exist, seemed pointless to the Tribunal; but it is here, if .anywhere, that may be found the spells, the runes, the recipes and the conjurations that the appeal judgment seems to call for but fails to provide. Perhaps some student of the occult would like to take the matter further.