the hawk's christr s crackers
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Commercial Moto( takes road haulage very seriously. However, once a week our quirky corespondent, the Hawk, steps off his perch to take a humorous look at the industry to keep us all sane. If you have any off-beat yams that illustrate the stranger, or sillier. side of the business, he'd like to hear from you. As a softhearted old bird, he's also happy to publicise charitable works— and is always interested in events for the vintage vehicles he drove as a fledgling. Drop the Hawk a line at Commercial Motor, Bird's Eye View, Rm H203, Quadrant House. The Quadrant. Sutton, Surrey SM2 5AS, or fax him on 0181 652 8969. YULETIDE IS HERE and it's time to cash in all those reward points and stock up with mouth-watering festive titbits. Of course, being loyal CM readers, you'll also know that it's time for the Hawk's Christmas quiz.
As ever, his chums in the industry have demonstrated their Christmas spirit by donating some truly fabulous prizes. But before I tell you about this year's nominated charity, let me fill you in on what the Hawk will be up to in this season of goodwill.
The exciting news is that Foden the dog is making his stage debut, appearing in the nativity play at the local community centre cunningly disguised as one of the shepherd's sheep. Trouble is, it has all rather gone to his head and he paces restlessly up and down the hall at home before rehearsals. If the canine thespian could speak he would no doubt be asking: "So what's my motivation?" Fingers crossed he doesn't do anything to show his master up on the night.
That aside, a trip in the Hawk's beloved Reliant Robin sorted out the Christmas shopping. The only snag was that the frozen turkey came loose on the way home and did some damage to the bodywork, ricocheting around the van as it negotiated a roundabout. Never mind, that's what Christmas is all about—unnecessary expense.
And now to something really important. This year CM is supporting the Central America Hurricane Appeal. You will have seen on television and read in the papers about the awful trail of destruction Hurricane Mitch wreaked as it tore its way through the countries of Honduras, Nicaragua, El Salvador and Guatemala. The latest figures for the area show that 137,891 houses have been damaged or destroyed, 9,241 people are missing and 9,550 people are believed dead.
The region also suffered widespread loss of crops, and roads and bridges have been destroyed.
The Central America Hurricane Appeal incorporates experienced aid agencies including Oxfam, Action Aid and the British Red Cross. All these groups are working together to coordinate relief and rehabilitation programmes in the area. Clean drinking water is absolutely vital, and Oxfam is flying out water storage systems and sludge pumps.
All the relief agencies are working tirelessly to ensure they get aid to those who need it as quickly and effectively as possible. By entering the Hawk's competitions you can make a difference and help get the region back on its feet.
1. Foden's snug winter warmer.
51 oden the dog is the first to feel the effects when the weather turns nippy. His pathetic, chattering form can be seen trying to seek shelter behind the Hawk as the pair venture out for their regular morning constitutional.
Last year a kindly neighbour knitted him a woolly winter jacket, but when the weather turned warm the pesky canine tore it up in a frenzied moment, overcome with the joys of spring.
What wouldn't he give now for Foden's Alpha twotone jacket? It is fully waterproof, with a half-fleece lining and detachable hood. If only the mutt could speak he could answer this question: A veteran astronaut returned to space this year. Who was it?
A. Neil Armstrong B. Buzz Aldrin C. John Glenn
2. Conquer the elements with Dunlop
0f. like the Hawk, you are a keen footie fan and go whenever you can to support your local team, you will know the value of a
good, warm jacket to keep that wind at bay on a cold and damp Saturday afternoon on the terraces.
With this prize you can kill two birds with one stone and be both warm and stylish. The Dunlop Melton jacket with hopsack and suede trimmings will guarantee you cut a dash on the stands. So put on your football thinking cap and answer me this: Which London football team won its place in the Premier League in a nail-biting play-off last season? Was it: A. Crystal Palace B. Charlton Athletic C. West Ham United
3. ERF—model prize givers
El ow here's something
the Hawk would like to wake up and find filling his stocking on a Christmas morning. No, it's not Gloria Hunniford. ERF is giving away three model trucks and all you have to do to secure one of these little beauties is to figure out who said this: "Every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' on his lips should be boiled with his own pudding and buried with a stake of holly through his heart." Which festive killjoy uttered these miserly words? Was it: A. Ivan the Terrible B. The Sheriff of Nottingham C. Ebenezer Scrooge
4. Cut a dash with MAN fashions
0 f you fancy yourself as something of a ladies' man, then MAN has just the clobber for you. This year it has kindly donated a stylish, all-black driver's jacket from the new MAN accessories range as well as a matching black MAN polo shirt. They'll get the ladies' pulses racing, like the subject of this question: What is the Christian name of the male lead in the movie Titanic?
A. Michelangelo B. Leonardo C. Raphael°
5. Tooling up with Bosch
0 n today's world of modern art you don't need a paintbrush to create a masterpiece. Often a sheet of galvanised metal and a few screws will suffice.
Whatever the reason, I'm sure there are dozens of uses you could think for this highquality drill from Bosch, whether it's putting up shelves or working on your next entry for the Turner Prize. So tell me: What heavenly sculpture will be left out in the cold this Christmas?
A. Venus de Milo B. Angel of the North C. The Green Goddess
6. Mercedes-Benz— it's in the bag
0* emember Jamboree Bags? Sticking your hand inside, never knowing what you might find? Well you can recreate that feeling of excitement with this fine goody bag donated by Mercedes-Benz. It contains an XL teeshirt, a ladies umbrella, a baseball cap and a tie. All you have to do is prove you've been paying attention to the news recently.
With one year to go before the millennium, a giant walkin figure of a man and a woman hugging has been revealed as the central attraction in the dome. What will it be called?
A. The Body Zone B. The Body Shop C. The Body Beautiful
7. Snuggling up with Leyland Daf
0 ou'll never go short of something to wear if you enter the Hawk's Christmas quiz each year. If you want to be warm and trendy on the road this winter, a Leyland Daf navy-blue unisex fleece jacket will be just the job. It would also come in useful should you visit any of the places mentioned below.
The homeland of the reindeer straddles four countries. Is it: A. Greenland B. Iceland C. Lapland
8. Seddon Atkinson gives comfort and joy
3 ontinuing the fashion parade, Seddon Atkinson has come up with not one but two blue/grey, three-quarterlength padded waterproof jackets. These wouldn't go amiss standing in the queue for the flicks on a Saturday night, and if you're a bit of a film buff then you'll find this one a doddle.
The late, great John Wayne saw himself as a bit of a man's man, but the truth was he had rather a girly name. Was it: A. Karel Reisz B. Shirley Crabtree C. Marion Morrison
9. A bubbly personality from Renault
0 t's a funny thing, but the Hawk finds in the Christmas party season that no matter how much he's had to drink the night before he is always thirsty when he wakes up the next
morning. That said, it wouldn't put him off quaffing this sparkling prize of a magnum of Champagne donated by Renault. Unfortunately, the rules bar him from entering, so it's up to you: Which US citizen might not agree with the sentiment expressed in the advertising slogan, "It's good to talk"?
A. Oprah Winfrey B. Monica Lewinsky C. Ricki Lake
10. Zip yourself up with Volvo
0 t may surprise you to learn there are some uncharitable folk who refer to the Hawk as an "anorak". I can't think what they mean, and anyway it is a perfectly serviceable, sensible garment. Just to prove it, Volvo is donating two stylish blue anoraks to add to your wardrobe. All you have to do is tell me:
Which great Englishman was born on 23 April 1564? Was it: A. Sir Francis Drake B. William Shakespeare C. Geoffrey Chaucer
11. Iveco Ford sets out its stall
A veritable treasure A veritable treasure trove, an Aladdin's cave (that's enough clichés—E4 Whichever way you tell it, Iveco Ford has come up trumps with this generous booty: a Polartec navy-blue fleece jacket; a navy blouson lightweight jacket; two vee-necked, navyblue teeshirts; two jade-green polo shirts; and two navyblue lambswool, vee-necked sweaters. Interested in any of
these rich pickings? Then answer me this:
Whose self-portrait entitled Artist Without a Beard recently fetched a cool £44m at auction? Was it:
A. Vincent Van Gogh B. Pablo Picasso C. Rolf Harris
12.Keep up-to-date with Scania
aast year, in an attempt to update the Hawk's modus operandi, the editor furnished him with a personal organiser. However, by the time he had ploughed his way through the various sections, maps and good pub guides, he had often missed the appointment he was looking for.
Scania has the right idea—it has donated 10 straightforward, honest-togoodness diaries. For all you other traditionalists out there, just tell me who braved the snow, deep and crisp and even, to help a poor man? Was it:
A. King Canute
B. King Solomon C. King Vvenceslas COMPETITION RULES
A selection of prizes are outlined on these pages which readers con win For the cost of a postcard and a stamp. For each postcard received CM will donate 20p to the Central America Hurricane Appeal.
This competition raises up to £500 each year; past beneficiaries include Action for Sick Children, Save the Children, Shelter and Oxfam.
The full rules ore set out below. Prizes will be dispatched as soon as possible after the closing deadline.
1. Answer correctly the question below each offer and send your answer on a postcard with your name and address.
2. Make sure you include the reference number of the competition entered and your size if the prize is an item of clothing.
3. Send in as many entries as you like, but each one must bean a separate postcard.
4. Send your entries to Hawk's Christmas Bonanza, Commercial Motor, Quadrant House, The Quadrant, Sutton, 5M2 5A5 by Friday 15 January 1999.
5. The editor's decision is final and no correspondence will be entered into.